Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick...

By blahblah - 27/6/2013 01:57 - United States - Richardson

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

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Miscellaneous

The student becomes the master

Don't give up

Headache

By anonymous - 13/6/2012 16:58 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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By sprainedankle - 17/5/2013 20:49 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

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By fatcheeks - 2/3/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

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By Quest for fun - 20/5/2017 04:00

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 11:35

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

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By Sammylad - 7/9/2011 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 11:42 - Canada

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By TabbyCat87 - 13/1/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 11:50 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

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By BlakeVB - 25/5/2019 14:18

Today, the girl that I had a crush on for over a year, from whom I recently moved on from, told me that she likes me. I’m dating a new girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2013 07:53 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 19:51 - South Africa

Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML

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By Worst City in the World - 22/3/2018 15:00

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

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By MJF - 24/1/2018 15:00

One step forward, two steps back.

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

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By sherryberry2013 - 10/6/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML

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By dragynfyre - 6/3/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

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By Ren - 27/1/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

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By Srain - 7/1/2010 06:36 - Australia

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

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By polemania - 11/7/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

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By Jeff - 23/5/2019 22:21

Fight Club for Dummies

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

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By tkdbb11790 - 20/11/2019 14:00

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 03:37 - United States

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2009 12:10 - Norway

Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML

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By akward - 4/9/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

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By Thanksiguess - 19/2/2018 15:00

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

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By Oopsie - 27/5/2019 20:17

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML

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By mockable - 6/4/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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By mannydanny - 1/9/2011 23:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

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By dateless - 21/9/2012 11:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

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By fatcat - 5/9/2018 16:30 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2016 17:32 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

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By forever_young - 13/5/2016 13:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

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By AngryBirdman - 22/4/2011 05:53

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 15:06 - Mexico - Guadalupe

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

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Top comments

By TwoXMike | 14

#5554812 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Just remember grasshopper, Wax on, Wax off

By HowAreYouToday | 34

#5554811 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:11

Just karate chop your neighbor.

COMMENTS

By HowAreYouToday | 34

#5554811 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:11

Just karate chop your neighbor.

Nordrag | 25

#5554821 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:15

With OP's current record she might end up knocking down their neighbors whole house.

thatkidhesh | 11

#5554823 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:18

time to switch sports OP

BabyGirlJr1 | 11

#5555220 - Thursday 27 June 2013 17:50

because shes so good at karate

theworldismad | 10

#5555874 - Friday 28 June 2013 4:08

everybody was Kung Fu fighting

tjv3 | 10

#5717808 - Wednesday 16 October 2013 2:20

Crane kick- no can defend

By TwoXMike | 14

#5554812 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Just remember grasshopper, Wax on, Wax off

By TeenieRee_2032 | 27

#5554813 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Life... Ain't that a kick in the... Lamp?

RodzillaX | 30

#5554929 - Thursday 27 June 2013 12:57

B for effort.

MyNameIsViet | 15

#5555064 - Thursday 27 June 2013 15:55

C- for execution.

Codezlol | 21

#5556040 - Friday 28 June 2013 6:42

C flat for delivery

GoodLookingGeese | 10

#5556176 - Friday 28 June 2013 9:30

D for existence

By Sangoma | 8

#5554814 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

three in one move, no need to perfect that round house kick , also creepy neighbor

By alycion | 38

#5554815 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

And people wonder why a lot of karate courses start out with the boring stuff like stretching.

JACKxRAWR | 22

#5555672 - Friday 28 June 2013 0:58

Sounds to me like OP is more of a DIY Sensei.

By _daniellesays_ | 10

#5554817 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:13

That's when you start creeping on him/her to discover/comment on their in-home embarrassment causing habits. Everybody has them.

stolencookie | 17

#5554854 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:56

I think you just may be predisposed to stalking... Might want to get that checked.

By jw90 | 18

#5554818 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:13

Pick up your jacket!

RodzillaX | 30

#5554932 - Thursday 27 June 2013 12:59

You can't tell me what to do. I never hang my jacket.

By Nordrag | 25

#5554819 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:14

I tried something stupid unprepared and someone made fun of me FML.

Why is there a lamp and curtains and shit in the area you want to "try karate"?

MGITSWFTC | 17

#5555247 - Thursday 27 June 2013 18:18

What I don't understand is how OP decided that it would be a good idea to completely forego a formal education in Karate and just try to kick some shit in their house

tygerarmy | 35

#5555371 - Thursday 27 June 2013 19:37

Unless the OP started taking Karate in a school and then tried to continue practicing at home she has not tried Karate. Just flinging your leg around and calling it a roundhouse kick does not make it one.

By TiroC | 25

#5554820 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:15

Just do the crane on him or the pinky finger!

OneGirlTwoCups | 13

#5555021 - Thursday 27 June 2013 14:50

And that helps..... How?

By EvilUndead | 9

#5554825 - Thursday 27 June 2013 11:19

1. Simple moves are more efficient.
2. If you don't have trainer or books, that's not "karate". That's "making fool of yourself".