Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick...

By blahblah - 27/06/2013 01:57 - United States - Richardson

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 388

You deserved it 35 668

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Our house, in the middle of our street

This Charming Man

By Spa Catholic - 10/06/2015 12:00 - United States - Taunton

Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 473

You deserved it 2 097

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 07:32 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 143

You deserved it 4 305

By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 136

You deserved it 2 897

Welcome to capitalism, baby

By Larissa E. Royster - 26/09/2021 17:00

Today, after spending months building my boss 3 websites and finishing them, I was fired via a short email, saying she didn't need my help anymore. I only worked for her for 3 months, so basically I stopped being useful when I finished her websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 546

You deserved it 63 471

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was driving home. It was late and I wanted to get home so I started speeding. I didn't wanna get a ticket so I slowed down everytime I saw a car that could be a cop, judging by headlights. There was a car with a busted headlight so I sped up. Couldn't be a cop car. It could. $216 proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 846

You deserved it 56 712

By Sleepy - 19/03/2019 20:00

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 656

By SSH - 18/01/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 3 466

By anonymous - 16/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 398

You deserved it 33 758

By Sadman - 23/04/2011 08:37 - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 090

You deserved it 10 780

By reptar2009 - 02/12/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 86 897

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 982

You deserved it 78 048

Who the fuck asked you?

By 2nd best - 06/11/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, my fiancée's ex sent me screenshots of their conversation. In it, he told her how badly he’d wanted to marry her, what a great life he'd have given her and what a huge mistake she'd made by letting him get away. My ring, our house even our pets should’ve been hers. Gee, thanks for settling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 82

By CoCo - 22/11/2008 04:03 - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 071

You deserved it 11 535

By anonymous - 26/06/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 526

You deserved it 7 253

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 750

You deserved it 5 160

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 148

By lacsmac2 - 01/11/2015 14:10 - Australia

Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 538

You deserved it 2 646

By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 705

You deserved it 787

By Anonymous - 02/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 402

You deserved it 5 592

By Foolish - 18/07/2016 06:51 - United States - Los Altos

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 192

You deserved it 1 887

Supportive

By fuckthepopo - 21/01/2012 02:31 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 759

You deserved it 6 447

By stalkered - 22/07/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 019

You deserved it 3 085

Trawling

By Adil Ilahi - 05/06/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Keighley

Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 799

You deserved it 302

By ceetee - 26/07/2011 13:35 - Australia

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 456

You deserved it 3 423

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 609

You deserved it 2 337

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:23 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 124

You deserved it 2 347

Autobodyshaming

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 16:59

Today, I'm officially fat enough I have to lift my belly out of the way to get to my zipper when I need to pee in public toilets. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 469

By stifledbyyou - 12/12/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 8 366

By Pissed - 21/09/2012 23:20 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 492

You deserved it 2 858

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 08/08/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 730

You deserved it 3 041

By Love stinks - 19/08/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 380

You deserved it 4 726

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 3 236

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 518

You deserved it 2 396

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 06:59 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 213

You deserved it 3 535

By proudparent - 07/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 670

By Anonymous - 23/07/2013 04:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 699

You deserved it 30 519

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 20:23 - Russian Federation

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 281

You deserved it 3 196

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 724

You deserved it 962

By Anonymous - 06/09/2013 11:45 - United States - Gorham

Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 874

You deserved it 9 655

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Top comments

TwoXMike 14

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Just remember grasshopper, Wax on, Wax off

HowAreYouToday 34

Thursday 27 June 2013 11:11

Just karate chop your neighbor.

HowAreYouToday 34

Thursday 27 June 2013 11:11

Just karate chop your neighbor.

Nordrag 26

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:15

With OP's current record she might end up knocking down their neighbors whole house.

thatkidhesh 11

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:18

time to switch sports OP

BabyGirlJr1 11

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Thursday 27 June 2013 17:50

because shes so good at karate

theworldismad 10

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Friday 28 June 2013 4:08

everybody was Kung Fu fighting

tjv3 10

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Wednesday 16 October 2013 2:20

Crane kick- no can defend

TwoXMike 14

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Just remember grasshopper, Wax on, Wax off

TeenieRee_2032 27

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

Life... Ain't that a kick in the... Lamp?

RodzillaX 30

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Thursday 27 June 2013 12:57

B for effort.

MyNameIsViet 15

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Thursday 27 June 2013 15:55

C- for execution.

Codezlol 21

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Friday 28 June 2013 6:42

C flat for delivery

GoodLookingGeese 10

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Friday 28 June 2013 9:30

D for existence

Sangoma 8

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

three in one move, no need to perfect that round house kick , also creepy neighbor

alycion 38

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:12

And people wonder why a lot of karate courses start out with the boring stuff like stretching.

JACKxRAWR 22

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Friday 28 June 2013 0:58

Sounds to me like OP is more of a DIY Sensei.

_daniellesays_ 10

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:13

That's when you start creeping on him/her to discover/comment on their in-home embarrassment causing habits. Everybody has them.

stolencookie 17

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:56

I think you just may be predisposed to stalking... Might want to get that checked.

jw90 18

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:13

Pick up your jacket!

RodzillaX 30

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Thursday 27 June 2013 12:59

You can't tell me what to do. I never hang my jacket.

Nordrag 26

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Thursday 27 June 2013 11:14

I tried something stupid unprepared and someone made fun of me FML. Why is there a lamp and curtains and shit in the area you want to "try karate"?

MGITSWFTC 17

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Thursday 27 June 2013 18:18

What I don't understand is how OP decided that it would be a good idea to completely forego a formal education in Karate and just try to kick some shit in their house

tygerarmy 35

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Thursday 27 June 2013 19:37

Unless the OP started taking Karate in a school and then tried to continue practicing at home she has not tried Karate. Just flinging your leg around and calling it a roundhouse kick does not make it one.