Money: Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 42

14/11/2009 10:11

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 621

You deserved it 5 898

Hiding from the drama

Vulture

Forever the bridesmaid

21/08/2010 06:09

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 568

You deserved it 32 932

05/06/2016 02:19

Spicy

Today, my best friend since first grade, who I've been in love with for years and finally hooked up with last week, asked me for advice. He wanted to know if he should start a long distance relationship with a girl he hooked up with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 259

You deserved it 2 036

13/02/2011 07:16

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 670

You deserved it 3 871

01/11/2014 18:59

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 3 478

10/12/2010 07:29

Spicy

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 500

You deserved it 7 963

Falling Down

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 02:12

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 122

14/07/2016 18:05

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 798

You deserved it 1 505

02/08/2009 19:23

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 618

You deserved it 53 825

16/11/2009 07:29

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 479

You deserved it 32 074

05/03/2013 16:13

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 174

You deserved it 13 679

17/01/2017 20:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 327

You deserved it 1 848

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 45

Kick the tragedy

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 122

20/05/2009 20:01

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 470

You deserved it 4 069

Get out while you still can

By Bullet dodged - 20/02/2021 00:59

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 120

09/02/2013 05:13

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 353

You deserved it 9 012

24/02/2010 14:18

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 2 572

AKA the Oskar Deutsch look

By Noname - 16/11/2020 12:23

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 652

You deserved it 76 607

03/11/2009 19:49

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 967

You deserved it 31 216

27/03/2011 18:09

Spicy

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 835

You deserved it 6 316

25/12/2012 06:41

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 143

You deserved it 4 221

30/08/2009 07:12

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 634

You deserved it 61 175

27/10/2008 02:34

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 807

You deserved it 7 241

Talk to me

By brendejafulable - 15/08/2020 14:02

Today, I had a conversation about how my day was, while dreaming. That’s how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 140

11/06/2018 19:00

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 933

You deserved it 208

31/12/2010 09:55

Today, I found a hidden camera in my room equipped with night vision and a microphone. My parents have been spying on me for at least the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 328

You deserved it 3 077

23/01/2009 19:50

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 47 005

12/10/2009 01:28

Spicy

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 095

You deserved it 2 254

18/01/2016 01:48

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 100

You deserved it 1 610

13/10/2009 15:52

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 191

You deserved it 3 840

Animal Farm

By Jaden Dubin - 31/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 419

22/03/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 441

You deserved it 12 915

12/07/2013 19:33

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 783

You deserved it 7 727

06/03/2009 19:51

Spicy

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 8 848

05/03/2018 19:08

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 896

You deserved it 369

08/12/2010 04:20

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 561

You deserved it 36 285

07/03/2013 08:17

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 979

You deserved it 2 604

22/08/2009 19:39

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 989

You deserved it 46 058

09/08/2009 13:27

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 830

You deserved it 3 880

Spooky season has begun

By Anonymous - 04/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 138

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Top comments

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Saturday 14 November 2009 17:44

I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAAAYBAR GAAAYBAR GAAAYBAR!

perdix 29

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:19

He accidentally got your money when he was trying to burgle your turds, turd-burglar.

Comments

Nonamerequired 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:09

First to vote you thumbs down

ChaplinSnakker 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:09

Ouch, never cool. But i must ask, who goes out clubbing then out for dinner?

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:15

I agree, that's strange.

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:19

I believe she means she was clubbing and dining at the same venue. Still rather strange, I know.

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:31

Someone doesn't seem to have noticed that this was posted by a man.

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Saturday 14 November 2009 17:09

lmao i know

bananamilkshake 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 20:56

anyway, OP deserved it for being gay

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Sunday 12 May 2013 6:08

Still a dude who posted this

DaRito 25

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 4:21

Gay guys?

perdix 29

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:19

He accidentally got your money when he was trying to burgle your turds, turd-burglar.

peroxideprincess 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:25

he hypnotized you with his attractiveness... O_O

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:47

pwned

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Saturday 14 November 2009 16:51

Inb4 'LOL it saiz u danced w/ a MAN but u are also a MAN. LOL' *sigh* Just watch. :|

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Saturday 14 November 2009 17:14

lmao i know. so funny. just wait for all the flamers to come in and get all bitchy at our "ignorance"

Julianneisasmurf 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 17:15

aww that sux : ( you should never dance with strangers btw... I have had the same thing happen to me when I danced with this seemingly sweet girl... only she stole my cell -.-"

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Saturday 14 November 2009 17:44

I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAAAYBAR GAAAYBAR GAAAYBAR!

peroxideprincess 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 20:21

XD

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Sunday 15 November 2009 3:20

love that clip!

greenfairy_fml 0

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Saturday 14 November 2009 18:08

Ugh, why I hate the sketchiness of clubs.

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Saturday 14 November 2009 19:07

You have way too much time on your hands.