Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said, "Good" and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he's actually disappointed that I'm not gay. His advice was, "Just wank it off and move on." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML
Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML
Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML
Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML
Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
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Top comments
moonmonkeyman 6
I think your dad is trying to tell you something. What that something is I don't know.
LolFMLnot 10
Thats every gay guy's dream dad right there.
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Comments (109)
awalker2782 5
Your dad needs to write a book! Listen to his advice and move on
KILLERTOAST13 4
Parenting for teh win
token_blackguy 18
Sound advice.
borche 5
Wow. Lol
awepeach 3
Your dad sounds cool! Well, much better than my mom. She just gives advice when all I want is to be comforted. I guess you just wanted to be told you're still lovable too. Sometimes parents can't really see that, and they feel if they coddle you they will only be setting you up for further heartbreak when the world doesn't coddle you back. Anyway, whatever the reason he didn't address your pain, I'm sure he means well by trying to have a sense of humor about it. You should show him that you wrote an FML about it. I think he will do a doubletake and feel ashamed when he realizes it isn't that funny to you.
Nwthatzfunny 9
what type of dad is he
baconlover22 4
Wanking???
xXxIracebethxXx 14
**********, jack/jerk off, choke the chicken, playing with your willy... Need I say more?
ArielTheMermaid 17
"itskaylabitch" my name is Madison. Uh what?
KiddNYC1O 22
Your dad needs to get laid.
Jewnut 0
lol someone doesn't want grandkids