Miscellaneous: Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car... - FML

By wildwonder808 - 12/08/2013 22:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 430

You deserved it 8 075

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Same thing different taste

Introductions

By Mayshod - 03/05/2011 12:04

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 235

You deserved it 2 808

Car Wars

By no car - 04/08/2020 17:04

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 415

By carssuck - 02/02/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 2 538

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 137

By Des - 18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 1 146

By mickstinator - 25/06/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 291

You deserved it 7 237

By jason - 24/04/2009 13:24 - United States

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 76 774

Call the fuzz

By towel please! - 10/03/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out the day manager has been illegally entering my apartment when I’m not home. My car was in the shop, so when he saw my parking spot empty, he came right on in. I was just getting out of the shower and was standing stark naked. He didn’t even try to explain. Just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 93

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 469

You deserved it 3 023

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 028

You deserved it 3 399

Next

Top comments

nightfire2258 24

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:28

Why did you leave your windows open? Pay him back by pissing in his house!

whyusofat 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:29

Shit on his car

Comments

lickastick 27

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:36

I mean you did park in HIS spot...

Wowxoxo 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:11

We've all heard of handicap parking, but asshole parking? That must be new..

lickastick 27

Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:24

Asshole parking is definitely not new.

Philerup31 12

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:37

That Sheldon Cooper is out of control.

DenBriZel 31

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:39

Sheldon Cooper strikes again!

jennababe98 9

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Well that's a shitty situa...wait. Wrong FML?

misspulkadot24 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 20:18

There is no "right" FML for your comment.

Zebediabolical 40

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Is it assigned parking spaces? If so you still don't really deserve it but you're a douche for parking in his spot. If it isn't take a dump in a bucket and pour it into his car on a hot day.

stormchaser24 24

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Lock doors and close windows? Now go shit in his car

Obey_StudBoii 23

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:43

Thrash his tires and put bleach in his engine.

subiedude08 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:44

Terrible just terrible attempt at a pun

GetPuckedUp 3

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:44

and this is why you always lock your doors and roll up your windows!

Obey_StudBoii 23

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:45

You tried You failed.

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Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 038

You deserved it 5 488

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 680

You deserved it 1 203

Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 847

You deserved it 2 439

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 014

You deserved it 4 006

Today, I lost all hope of finding a man. I’m gonna be 34 and I can’t get a date to save my life. I was cursed with a facial deformity and 285lbs of weight, making all men run for the hills. All of my younger sisters have got married and started families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 261

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 286