Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
Today, I asked the guy I like if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He replied that he doesn't like their food. I think that's a no. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
Slap him for being rude. Geeze, that's cold.
okokalright 15
You will find someone eventually. Unfortunately, people can be ******* assholes that are probably insecure themselves.
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Comments (181)
Warnerro 18
stop being a whale then
isaak_sanchez 18
I speak whale- Dory
pollarda156 9
Why does everyone feel sorry for fat people. Less than 5% of people suffering from obesity obtained it from an illness. You are basically giving them a free pass to stay fat. That's a terrible idea because they burden society with higher health care expenses and a higher consumption of resources.
DoomedGemini 38
I ate more than any of the people you'd consider overweight, I'm very tiny. So taking up more resources? No. Some eat w lot better than me. Fast metabolism. So if I, and other family members, eat basically everything without gaining weight, you are really expecting me to believe people with the opposite is true? Either way, you do not get to be cruel and terrible to people over something so stupid, and especially not for such selfish reasons. If you actually gave a shit about their weight, you wouldn't be terrible. Being rude and cruel only causes people to have worse confidence and not want to do anything or even binge eat from stress or depression. You do not have any legitimate defense other than you being an asshole.
corky1992 33
Whether they're overweight from and illness or not they still deserve to be treated with respect. It is not necessary to be so mean to someone because of their weight.
9a_1z 12
Yeah like you don't have a ton of secret unhealthy habits, you eat pure gold and poop rainbows and doctors come up to you in the street and thank you. Sometimes you give other people permission to live their lives how they want without you making snotty comments about them, but not often because you know the world will go straight to shit if you start keeping your opinions to yourself a bit more, that's how astoundingly healthy your life is.
snydeeli000 27
It's none of your damn business if someone is overweight or obese. If it's caused by things other than diet and exercise then you have absolutely no right to be a bitch about it. And for the people who do choose to eat unhealthy food- good for them. They know that being skinny isn't everything. My aunt is happier eating what she wants than when she counts calories and diets. I doubt you're happy with yourself if you're taking it out on other people.
mollybelle 13
Wow that is hella rude. **** him. You wouldn't wanna be with a jerk like that anyway.
ImStuj 11
He's not worth you
NYGiants1925 22
Well **** that guy. You're better off without him.
missfitJen 7
you dodged a bullet what a ******* douche bag
lauriepie1128 1
I would have punched him In the face
snydeeli000 27
Be glad you found out what a pig he is before you went on a date
Baron_Kaz 15
Ummm loose some weight?
writerchic85 26
Why? So she can be deemed worthy by someone like that?