Work: Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice?...

By Breanne - 14/07/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 201

You deserved it 2 307

Work

Good kid

Great parenting, mom

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 18:09 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 5 691

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 284

You deserved it 18 471

By WorstLifeEver - 25/06/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 747

You deserved it 13 372

Whatcha been up to?

By Just another Dude - 02/10/2017 13:00

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 894

You deserved it 937

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 841

By aricababyy - 29/12/2016 05:09 - United States - Winchester

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 572

By Jess - 20/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 465

By EFFED4LIFE - 11/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 003

You deserved it 13 412

Gig economy

By Anonymous - 11/08/2020 08:01

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 150

Beach bummer

By GrossLump - 27/05/2019 16:09

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 226

By hawtpinkpanties - 04/05/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me a gift, something she's never done before. I was excited, until I found out it was one of her overdue library books about dolphins. I feel so loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 751

You deserved it 3 114

By FuckLife - 11/02/2012 13:41 - Australia

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 2 471

By the_music_major - 19/10/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 390

You deserved it 4 070

By Dave B - 25/11/2011 06:59 - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 2 686

By SadMan - 19/01/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 7 359

By Danners88 - 11/11/2009 04:36 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 296

You deserved it 2 831

By tim12345 - 25/07/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 3 557

By shygirl - 20/05/2012 13:13 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 10 126

By ZPyRoGoDz - 02/11/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 309

You deserved it 3 133

Scared shitless

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was leaving through the glass doors, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors, smashing my head. I'd actually seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 916

You deserved it 11 965

Is that how it works?

By SecondTimesACharm - 28/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I tested positive for COVID… again. This pandemic has been going on for so long that after 11 months, my natural immunity has apparently worn off. I'm in the next group for the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 148

By thatonesilentkidinclass - 04/05/2013 08:11 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 636

You deserved it 12 105

By letmedienow - 11/10/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 3 382

Father and son time

By Loco - 09/08/2021 07:01

Today, every time I play on my PS4, my father does nothing but pester me about, "wasting my time on that garbage" and insists that I watch soap operas with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 74

By That guy - 08/08/2016 15:45 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 515

You deserved it 3 536

By Ihatecleaning - 14/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 213

You deserved it 527

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 807

You deserved it 51 563

By anonymous - 03/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 617

You deserved it 44 731

By Ignored - 11/04/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 448

You deserved it 12 202

By Rain - 14/11/2016 11:43

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 898

You deserved it 683

By ditched - 06/08/2014 03:35 - United States - Ashland

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 3 818

Be more specific

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:01 - United States - Folsom

Today, my mom told me that I wasn't allowed rights until I was eighteen, or until I took on some duties. The rights include having or expressing ideals that don't match up with hers. She doesn't know what duties I should have. My options are to either take on nonexistent duties, or keep my mouth shut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 12:30 - United States - Redding

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 975

You deserved it 1 550

By dangit - 01/03/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I was wearing my favorite silk sweater, one I actually paid full price for. I sat down in my desk chair to work, and when I tried to get up I felt a strange pull. A corner of my sweater is still stuck in the screw at the back of the chair, the rest is in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 3 575

By nipman - 25/04/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 123

You deserved it 3 842

By Wellthisishawkward - 14/08/2015 22:40 - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 673

You deserved it 2 877

Gullible's travels

By mikay1413 - 08/10/2019 20:00

Today, my step-sister asked me what an organ donor was. I told her it's someone who delivers pianos. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 386

By princeronron - 08/09/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 630

You deserved it 6 000

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 371

You deserved it 3 322

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 773

You deserved it 31 078

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Top comments

clownman 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:53

you work in the same office as Shrek??

aardvarks 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:48

Won't that be a lovely scent?

sxe_beast 11

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:48

Tasty.

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 14 July 2011 19:15

Why would you taste a candle? Your supossed to smell it.... though iit probably would most likely be tasty.

baddud300 6

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Thursday 14 July 2011 19:18

Well if you want you can come "Blow" my candle. :D

nolaneldridge 1

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Thursday 14 July 2011 19:36

16 your dick lights on fire?!?! I wish mine could do that

amsgirl11 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 19:57

Thats Gross . haha

geeksaresexy 18

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Thursday 14 July 2011 21:12

That would be an awesome trick!

Merylwen 24

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Thursday 14 July 2011 21:25

That's gross but funny: he wanted to do the same thing as Shrek ! So in the end it's almost cute XD

whyXD 12

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Thursday 14 July 2011 22:44

maybe he's asking you for some help.:)

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:24

way to be resourceful! this reminds me of the time I recycled my own feces as manour for my opium plantation. it saves money! :)

FunnyWeasel 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:35

At work I call "regulars" the customers

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 5:06

do you by chance work at a fast food restaurant?

zendaddy0 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 6:31

shrek nostalgia here I go hrgdhjfhdfdgffgdgjyefgfrgh

FunnyWeasel 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 10:43

yeah I work at mcdonalds but the op could be in retail, who knows?

rebornbabe 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:52

LOL

aardvarks 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:48

Won't that be a lovely scent?

fymother 13

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Friday 15 July 2011 0:38

they did this on mythbusters. apparently it was awful.

EmyB_fml 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:53

Hmm, ear wax scented candle... Noms

fanceh 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 5:04

yeah, I saw this on mythbusters. it doesn't work though, haha.

grapist 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:49

2nd!!!

clownman 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:53

you work in the same office as Shrek??

Isoldael 27

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Monday 18 July 2011 18:51

A regular, not a colleague :p

darkness4dummies 0

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:54

how is this an fml just asking

Termites 15

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Thursday 14 July 2011 21:10

hahaha.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:55

I can't imagine that candle would smell very good.

melmel4018 4

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:55

this is hilarious.

kaoriblossom 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 8:56

I feel sorry for the doctor who has to remove it :D

gene818 13

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Thursday 14 July 2011 18:55

Mythbusters tried this. Firstly, it's disgusting. Secondly, it's busted (it just wouldn't work in reality).

Rick_S 3

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Thursday 14 July 2011 19:39

To tell you how gross it was, everyone was gagging and almost puking. This is Mythbusters, where they've seen and done everything, and they were getting sick!