Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning... - FML

By smartgirl - 1/5/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

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Dangling modifier

Toxic parents

Fashion Police

By AJL - 4/7/2014 01:30 - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

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By homerde - 5/2/2011 06:29 - France

Today, and even at this very moment, my ex, who I'm still in love with, is having sex with her new boyfriend. He's my neighbor and she's making a lot more noise with him than she did with me. FML

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By Embarrassed - 12/12/2011 13:45 - Germany

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

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By antwo - 22/1/2012 04:50 - United States

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn't noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

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By kaleigh - 31/5/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

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By daragnan - 10/1/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

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By fuckit - 23/7/2016 06:52 - United States - American Fork

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

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By Pregnant - 14/4/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

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By Rebecca - 21/5/2012 14:11 - United States - Austin

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

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By McChunky =( - 9/3/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

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By anonymous - 4/9/2014 01:31 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

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By maza - 9/8/2019 22:00

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2013 16:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

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By Darkandcold - 9/1/2013 19:23 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

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By Potforapeso - 1/10/2014 02:30 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

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By Bill - 6/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

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By Tyguy3000 - 19/6/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 08:23 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML

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By chap - 11/7/2020 02:01

Monetize your shit life

Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML

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By FortuneFaded - 6/5/2009 15:47 - South Africa

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 14:53 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

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By Sam - 1/4/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

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By nightDREAMERms - 23/4/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2014 01:12 - United States - Coraopolis

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

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By cdestarac - 10/1/2012 06:07 - United States

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

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By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

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By fatty - 3/8/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

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By coleslaw - 3/2/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2015 08:33 - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

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By stewiesclone - 11/2/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

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By optimistic2628 - 19/10/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

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By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By MSguy - 27/8/2018 14:30

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

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By nooo - 5/2/2015 00:00 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

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By mainlineloser - 28/11/2014 05:25 - United States - Narberth

Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML

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Top comments

By Tehalon | 0

#161912 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:17

Maybe you need a different haircut and start praying for them boobs to pop up.

By fretforyerlatte | 0

#161907 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:13

and no one bothered to correct him either? that's harsh.

COMMENTS

By hilaryy_fml | 0

#161903 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:12

that sucks.

Reply

Thespade_fml | 0

#624369 - Saturday 17 October 2009 15:17

Maybe it's the fact your smart he thought you were a guy. Take it as a compliment. Or maybe he calls everbody he?

Reply

persianjr1 | 7

#1777423 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 7:34

it's a simple mistake!!! sheesh people

By DownUndah | 0

#161904 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:13

its not that hard to look like a chick.

By fretforyerlatte | 0

#161907 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:13

and no one bothered to correct him either? that's harsh.

By kristenlee | 3

#161908 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:15

Well, you should've said that "she" looked absolutely beautiful, as you accepted your award. :]

By yojoeletsmakeout | 0

#161910 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:16

Sounds like a severe case of "man, woman, or beast?" to me. Nice.

By Tehalon | 0

#161912 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:17

Maybe you need a different haircut and start praying for them boobs to pop up.

By plethora | 3

#161920 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:31

Waaaah!

By Hazimius | 0

#161929 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:44

Why didn't you say something?

Reply

RandallClark | 10

#6669707 - Thursday 11 August 2016 23:13

Because it's so embarrassing you just want hide inside a shell and don't come out for six hours.

By coloradodude12 | 0

#161938 - Saturday 2 May 2009 14:55

Haha, sounds like he'd rather be someplace else.

By FaperPairy | 0

#161944 - Saturday 2 May 2009 15:00

Ahaha. You poor thing. It's ok, I get mistaken for a guy, too. (Which kind of makes sense, even though I'm a girl.) ... Though I guess it's not ok if you're not used to it. :(

Reply

Moo_Horse | 0

#1595796 - Sunday 24 October 2010 18:33

wen i was little i ha short short hair, wore overalls, and was always mistaken for a boy cuz i wasnt very girly. but only from the back cuz i have a girly face

Reply

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6010266 - Thursday 17 July 2014 1:32

11-I think you look girlish enough to not get mistaken for a boy.