Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML
Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML
Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML
Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
Today, I was doing squats at the gym. I caught my reflection in the mirror, got distracted by how awkward I looked, and lost my balance. I fell backward onto a medicine ball, rolled into another person’s legs, and took them down with me. We ended up in a sweaty heap. FML
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
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Top comments
deviable 9
Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.
minder97 10
hopefully some of your shit got on the guy
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Comments (273)
Carina23 5
Shit happens! Well I guess that true...
Getjynxd 2
2 years ago I laid out for a tackle n almost shit myself when I hit the ground. Ended up rolling the 3 yards off the field cause I was clinching n concentrating on not letting it out lol. This was a D1-AA college televised game so I know ur embarrasement just by what I had to explain to friends and classmates lol
kait11 16
It could be worse:)
Calyx_fml 22
YDI for playing full contact football.
philitron128 0
This is why you poop before physical activity, noob...
jaywalton_4 10
That's a small lineman...that's more of a QB or RB's weight...
Footballfinatic 0
Hahaha yes! Classic!
jw42 0
Hhahahahahahahahahahah wow dude that sucks
dhwig 0
Ummm... Dude 200 lbs is kinda small for a lineman. I think "Wuss" is a more appropriate name for you.
Barn312009 0
:-/ that's a small lineman. What's your plans when a 350lb one sacks you? Blow your intestines out your ass??