Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

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Whatthefuckaburger

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Vultures

By Anonymous - 12/7/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

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By blahmylife - 15/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

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By buckley456 - 28/5/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

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By onlyjuggalos - 31/1/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

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By bakerysux - 23/12/2014 01:21 - United States - San Antonio

Today, at work, a customer cried because the cake I made her was not "exactly" the same as the display. I'm the one who made the display and it was the same but the display cake had faded a bit, since it had been there for a month. I'd mentioned this to the customer when she placed the order. FML

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By Scarred for life - 13/3/2020 08:00

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

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By FUCK A FUCKING DUCK - 23/11/2012 17:20 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

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By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I've lost thirty pounds since having my second child. However, I still weigh just as much as I did when I was full-term with my first child. FML

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By Claustrophobic - 4/4/2013 07:12 - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

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By scottskidee - 12/4/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

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By fmlguy382 - 22/6/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

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By FootyFoot - 6/3/2012 11:50 - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

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By idkmybffjill? - 13/2/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By Ondskansgris - 12/3/2009 09:59 - Sweden

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

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By nudie - 19/7/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

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By popasquat - 4/12/2018 12:00

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By sisterly love - 14/8/2013 21:13 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2015 02:23 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

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By ljcxo17 - 1/7/2011 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

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By anon - 16/12/2015 15:28 - Australia - Salisbury

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

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By whatdidimarry - 24/9/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2009 16:00 - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

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By AyDiosMio42 - 8/9/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

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By why - 5/4/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

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By WhyICantHaveNiceThings - 15/3/2018 19:00

From the bottom of my... stomach?

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

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By Is that..? - 17/7/2014 03:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

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By creepedout - 20/7/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

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By ahhhhhhh - 30/7/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML

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By Steve - 13/6/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

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By NeverNumberOne - 23/4/2018 01:30

Friendzone 2.0

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

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By cock blocked - 22/4/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

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By disguested - 4/3/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

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By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 9/2/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

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By J. Homen - 30/3/2013 22:22 - United States

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

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Top comments

By Arokthis | 21

#6562338 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:21

You may want to ask around to see if your mother-in-law is poisoning your reputation.

By BeautifulChaos27 | 37

#6562337 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:20

Are you putting your MIL as a reference? Even in a "yes you can call my work place" kind of way? She might be sabotaging you...

COMMENTS

By kile25 | 17

#6562316 - Saturday 19 March 2016 7:48

Sorry for u op keep the good work, someday ull land another job!

Reply

holyshmolly | 13

#6562851 - Sunday 20 March 2016 1:39

Is it just me who wondered if OP's in laws are actually behind him not getting an interview...perhaps because of their connections etc...?

By may14th | 26

#6562318 - Saturday 19 March 2016 7:50

Just keep working hard. Soon enough your hard work will be repaid with a better job in a better environment. Good luck :)

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6562320 - Saturday 19 March 2016 7:51

Hopefully you'll get an interview soon and not be cocky, like the previous people who've posted an FML recently.

By tabypatchkid | 11

#6562333 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:11

my mom hates my husband because she got divored so many times and didnt want me to make the same mistake. its been three years and she still feels that way. some mother in laws are just crazy.

By BeautifulChaos27 | 37

#6562337 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:20

Are you putting your MIL as a reference? Even in a "yes you can call my work place" kind of way? She might be sabotaging you...

By Arokthis | 21

#6562338 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:21

You may want to ask around to see if your mother-in-law is poisoning your reputation.

By sinverguenza | 11

#6562351 - Saturday 19 March 2016 8:40

Nepotism isn't all that it's cracked up to be, eh?

By anonymous198913 | 26

#6562376 - Saturday 19 March 2016 9:22

Keep searching for a job, OP, one will turn up soon! In the meantime, be nice to your mother in law, because she will have one less reason to dislike you.

Reply

cathrope | 10

#6562478 - Saturday 19 March 2016 15:14

Make them hate you through kindness OP.

By Utetopia2014 | 18

#6562378 - Saturday 19 March 2016 9:26

I'm only commenting because I'm no longer banned.

By revolvearoundme | 15

#6562403 - Saturday 19 March 2016 11:20

This comment has been moderated.

Reply

Ramos808 | 29

#6562404 - Saturday 19 March 2016 11:28

"Comment moderated"