Miscellaneous: Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at... - FML

By anonymous - 24/12/2014 23:56 - United States

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 3 969

Too clever

I can't eat these

A tad unfair

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 168

You deserved it 44 802

By Ouchies - 09/02/2012 17:28 - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 317

You deserved it 2 245

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 02:45 - United States - Bethesda

Spicy

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 485

You deserved it 5 521

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 366

You deserved it 3 025

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 6 007

By thekriss - 23/08/2012 20:28 - France - Paris

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 856

You deserved it 12 058

By Crazy Crazy Crazy - 13/09/2013 00:01 - Canada - Burlington

Spicy

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 981

You deserved it 7 964

By mikmak - 20/12/2015 13:26 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 493

You deserved it 3 096

Taking it too far

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 03:00 - Bangladesh - Chittagong

Spicy

Today, I was playing GTA V, and being the horny bastard that I am, I went to the club and was getting a lap dance in-game. My cousin walked in to find me kissing the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 2 718

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 756

You deserved it 6 281

Porque no los dos?

By aye! - 25/07/2020 02:02

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 280

By Username - 29/07/2011 21:35 - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 2 981

Send message

By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 313

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 14:22 - United States

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 005

You deserved it 4 631

By mjbx - 01/01/2012 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 800

You deserved it 15 943

Can't handle it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 131

By skrewedguy - 08/12/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 609

You deserved it 6 604

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 12:24 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 101

You deserved it 35 191

Scotland and its leccy bills

By ScottishSteak - 27/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 97

By Z3R0G5 - 06/01/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 114

You deserved it 19 211

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 22:24

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 861

You deserved it 452

Free Healthcare for All

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 14:01

Today, my health is such a wreck that I’m not even sure if my main problem is mental or physical. To find out, I’d need health insurance. To get that, I’d need a job. To find a job, I’d need to be way less of a wreck. I’m in that state where you’re proud to have actually gotten out of bed each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 162

By howrude - 11/09/2009 11:57 - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 565

You deserved it 4 734

Need warmth

By LockedDown - 03/02/2021 23:03 - United States - Vancouver

Today, due to the pandemic and living alone, I finally had some physical human contact for the first time in six months for my dental checkup. Which was also the last contact I had almost a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 101

Godless

By fullyajar - 12/07/2021 11:01

Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 95

By wished i had a cat - 19/10/2018 17:30

Today, I discovered that my dog knows how to lock doors. This wouldn't have been a problem if anyone in my house every carried a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 603

By Anonymous - 05/02/2019 04:00

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 635

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 11 369

By that one anon - 07/05/2015 06:27 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 885

You deserved it 2 527

Such a healthy environment

By Predator - 21/03/2021 18:30 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, on my first full day on Marine Corps boot camp, my drill instructor pulled me and another kid in front of 200 other recruits to vote on who was uglier between the two of us. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 188

The gift that keeps on giving!

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 19:30 - United States - New Bremen

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 522

You deserved it 494

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 825

You deserved it 21 585

By anon - 01/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 728

You deserved it 1 689

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Troy

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my wish of a pet that I could take care of for a few years. They got a parrot. I guess 75 years or more is a few years to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 785

You deserved it 1 308

Legalize it

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 15:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 1 350

By Getthelysol - 10/10/2018 05:00

Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 1 471

By Tressa95 - 25/02/2018 18:30 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 607

You deserved it 296

By SillyScotsman - 24/06/2013 18:49 - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 946

You deserved it 7 580

By upsetandannoyed - 01/01/2012 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 931

You deserved it 3 674

Work together!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 102

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:40

Nothing wrong with McDonald's >:(

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:37

All you have to do is prove her wrong

Comments

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:37

All you have to do is prove her wrong

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:40

Nothing wrong with McDonald's >:(

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Thursday 25 December 2014 17:24

You wish to stay working at McDonald's your whole life?

Duckzy 16

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Thursday 25 December 2014 18:04

I'd probably always eat the fries and make up an excuse like "uh I was checking for poison"

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Thursday 25 December 2014 18:42

I would have no problem owning a McDonald's.

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Thursday 25 December 2014 20:06

My mum started working at a McDonald's a couple of years back and she now is high enough in the corporation that she owns two and oversees 14. Chin up mate, it's not such a bad thing.

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:40

Most of us are gonna end up there anyways

Dreamsorrow93 24

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:40

Eh low bar set means you can only gain approval doing well.

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Friday 26 December 2014 21:45

It's the little victories that keep us going. Regardless of how low the bar is set.

extremereviews 26

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:40

Your moms a dick

Kill Me Please!!! 9

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Friday 9 June 2017 20:33

I like to think that people can't be called what they don't have. So I believe the wording is "You're mom's an asshole " or "Your mom's a bitch". (Haters, idc that this is not an English class. I already read a comment where someone bitched someone else out on grammar, and people were like "who cares?" So please do not bitch me out on grammar. it's my oppinion)

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:41

Sounds like you mom's an unsupportive bitch. You don't need her to achieve your goals OP, chin up.

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:42

Bitch...

Darkness_Hate 29

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:45

Order for her a Mc Bitch and a diet coke.

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Thursday 25 December 2014 16:49

I read it as a diet puke... sorry... the other sushi puke FML is still running in my mind...ready for down votes..

Darkness_Hate 29

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Thursday 25 December 2014 16:58

No problem vikky it happens.

americanafrican 32

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:50

future food you will eat!

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Thursday 25 December 2014 15:59

Mom: 1 You: 0

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Thursday 25 December 2014 19:24

More like Mom: 0 Self-esteem: -1

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 1 081

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 1 233