Health: Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share... - FML

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 3 368

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

You or the both of you?

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 189

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 251

You deserved it 1 698

By Falling off the wagon - 09/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 445

You deserved it 3 568

Cruel trick

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 21:00 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, it's my one-year anniversary of being sober. For the occasion, my father decided to spice-up my non-alcoholic cocktail with booze. I didn't realize, and drank it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 3 720

The wagon

By mhmm... cumsquats - 09/02/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 61 393

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 123

Pour some more funny!

By Bruce - 12/03/2023 00:00

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 130

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 7 170

By notalcoholic - 09/12/2009 05:29 - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 5 206

Next

Top comments

Jaxx66 21

Monday 9 January 2012 8:51

Seems like you shouldn't be calling him for a while! Sorry OP, keep up the good work though!

itsbreyo 5

Monday 9 January 2012 8:55

I don't understand why people vote for "you deserve it" on posts like these. Great job OP ;)

Comments

mintstashinurtea 5

Monday 9 January 2012 9:39

win?

Dracoboxer357 35

Monday 9 January 2012 9:46

My apologies but either your brother is as dumb as a stump or ignorantly tasteless with his humour. Either way, fyl, but congrats on trying to stay sober, OP! :) Keep it up!

ClaremoreZebra 8

Monday 9 January 2012 9:49

What does OP even mean? I've been trying to figure it out for like a month..

asherm 15

Monday 9 January 2012 9:53

ClaremoreZebra: OP is "original poster". I had to google it myself

daminantion 14

Monday 9 January 2012 9:54

It means Google. Or.. Idk ask the original poster

katya_21 6

Monday 9 January 2012 9:52

@#42 OP stands for Original Poster. Applicable for sites such as this, where there are people 'posting.'

JeremyCompton 0

Monday 9 January 2012 9:54

If you drink enough you will forget that you even drank.

CultureChic 14

Monday 9 January 2012 10:06

Sorry, OP. Your brother is either a douche or just plain dumb.

fancyclown 9

Monday 9 January 2012 10:08

There seems to be a steady flow of alcoholics on FML.

DeenaRayan6_ 0

Monday 9 January 2012 10:19

Ask her out man

PaigeySlade 7

Monday 9 January 2012 10:26

....thanks bro o.e

Tits_N_Turbos 20

Monday 9 January 2012 10:38

I'll drink to that!

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The Top

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 70

Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 464

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 947

You deserved it 5 302

Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 588

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 750

You deserved it 5 800

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 3 882

Today, I sent my father a text asking when he was finally coming to meet his 4-month-old granddaughter. His response? "I forgot." He forgot he has a granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 3 575

Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 93