Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself,...

By Anonymous - 2/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

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Work

Boozehound

The opposite of a good idea

Fear factor

By anon - 20/8/2012 05:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

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By burntloyalty - 26/3/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - 17/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By 4_and_20_blackbits - 26/8/2013 08:38 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

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By tigger2013 - 3/8/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

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By Kere - 3/2/2011 16:42 - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2013 17:19 - United States - Lake Ariel

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

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By Carmen - 11/4/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

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By Me - 19/11/2015 22:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML

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By Nicked - 25/4/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2015 17:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

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By Jackassed - 12/5/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

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By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 01:53 - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

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By not telling you my name - 7/8/2015 15:16 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

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By fuckthepopo - 21/1/2012 02:31 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

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By yaa - 17/4/2020 17:00

Everyone's an expert

Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML

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By tdtf - 16/3/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - Rugby

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

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By captainfail - 14/7/2009 15:27 - Germany

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

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By anon - 19/1/2015 05:35 - United States - Burleson

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

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By SonOfaSpy - 18/7/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

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By Rejection - 4/5/2010 07:33 - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

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By grandpa porn - 28/8/2017 01:30

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

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By BrakesNotBumpers - 12/6/2015 21:09 - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

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By Read The Fine Print - 24/11/2012 05:55 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

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By Skimilk - 18/2/2010 02:47 - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

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By skid - 2/6/2015 14:59 - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

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By fmlsheffgirl - 25/7/2016 11:52 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2013 20:30

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

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By ice_dancer_jake - 20/6/2019 02:28

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

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By szechuansauce - 10/4/2017 20:00

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

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By scottskidee - 12/4/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

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By squirty_joe - 8/3/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

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By titsmcgee - 11/2/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

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Top comments

By lexred | 30

#6475831 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:49

That's gotta suck. Man your boss needs to learn management of staff.

By PotatosRGud | 13

#6475835 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:54

Hey, at least you'll have people to talk to

Comments

By johnjingleheimer | 13

#6475828 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:46

Like Toby on beach day

By Opheliae | 22

#6475829 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:48

I'm sorry, OP. It sucks to be left out.

Opheliae | 22

#6475942 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 23:43

How come literally ANYTHING I comment on this site is downvoted to hell...?

derangedplanet | 23

#6475951 - Thursday 3 December 2015 0:01

Because its fml. people assume you're trying too hard. or too little. or maybe you just suck. I don't know.

Opheliae | 22

#6476579 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:49

Ugh. So hard to please these people!

By Psycocharger | 19

#6475830 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:48

That sucks OP! Hopefully someone recognizes your awesome efforts soon :)

By lexred | 30

#6475831 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:49

That's gotta suck. Man your boss needs to learn management of staff.

By APHPrussia | 19

#6475834 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:53

I'm sorry OP! There's always next year!

By PotatosRGud | 13

#6475835 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 18:54

Hey, at least you'll have people to talk to

By justi4541 | 3

#6475838 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 19:00

Sheesh, talk about phoning it in.

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6475839 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 19:00

I've seen the future and Janice from accounting takes a giant shit on the food table and ruins the party. Your boss saved you.

derangedplanet | 23

#6475957 - Thursday 3 December 2015 0:14

It's always Janice from accounting. she broke the espresso machine, and unplugged your computer during a long important email by tripping and slept with your boyfriend. God that bitch Janice. XD

By stingray112 | 24

#6475840 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 19:01

Good process eventually leads to
Good results just keep at it bro you'll get the results you deserve eventually

Tyrez | 32

#6475921 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 22:26

That's what they want you to think so you will go and make them more money.

By Publikwerks | 14

#6475844 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 19:08

They usually make arrangements for people left behind - food and whatnot. If they don't, that blows and you should load up your car with office supplies.