Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me... - FML

By drewcaver - 12/4/2015 19:49 - United States - Houston

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27552

You deserved it

2299

Tweet

Share

Proactive

The best cat

Long story short

By Gob - 16/1/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11787

You deserved it

42487

Tweet

Share

By CollegeGrad - 25/4/2009 06:39 - United States

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66634

You deserved it

16889

Tweet

Share

By KitKat20 - 18/10/2016 13:05 - United States - Fargo

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11230

You deserved it

1505

Tweet

Share

By Sally - 24/8/2018 22:00

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2473

You deserved it

760

Tweet

Share

By Username - 29/1/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32340

You deserved it

5449

Tweet

Share

By Childhood - 12/12/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31265

You deserved it

2735

Tweet

Share

By Squeezebox - 30/8/2017 08:00 - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3149

You deserved it

534

Tweet

Share

By butchapparently - 10/8/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26600

You deserved it

2204

Tweet

Share

By ihncredible - 10/12/2012 23:32 - United States - Macomb

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30058

You deserved it

8034

Tweet

Share

By Murphy's law - 13/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2241

You deserved it

156

Tweet

Share

By smartgirl - 1/5/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83368

You deserved it

5453

Tweet

Share

By Fish Breath - 3/6/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10941

You deserved it

4035

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29421

You deserved it

5469

Tweet

Share

By sherronj - 7/6/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31197

You deserved it

7498

Tweet

Share

By Mary - 21/11/2008 10:06 - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31127

You deserved it

4302

Tweet

Share

By Wickls - 18/12/2008 08:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9087

You deserved it

29207

Tweet

Share

By what the fuck - 7/6/2013 21:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

72988

You deserved it

9908

Tweet

Share

By getmeoutofthiscountry - 19/7/2013 19:06 - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60972

You deserved it

4065

Tweet

Share

By Insomniac - 28/7/2012 09:56 - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34454

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By SlothyMolly - 6/3/2013 17:19 - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34670

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2012 08:08 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38152

You deserved it

3760

Tweet

Share

By evelynn - 20/5/2010 06:25 - France

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39889

You deserved it

8127

Tweet

Share

By argh - 3/3/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10383

You deserved it

32099

Tweet

Share

By kp - 31/8/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29999

You deserved it

4464

Tweet

Share

By fml - 3/3/2019 22:00 - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

705

You deserved it

2938

Tweet

Share

By JellitonOctopus - 25/1/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32884

You deserved it

2564

Tweet

Share

By rozsrredd - 8/7/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52893

You deserved it

4144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/8/2019 00:01

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1613

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2013 00:28 - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15345

You deserved it

55659

Tweet

Share

By kdgirl - 21/9/2010 03:02 - United States

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29258

You deserved it

3117

Tweet

Share

By fuck - 18/3/2015 17:40 - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32335

You deserved it

4015

Tweet

Share

By rabbitkiller - 20/6/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27579

You deserved it

5692

Tweet

Share

By i believe in shaq - 19/8/2012 22:28 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20526

You deserved it

6275

Tweet

Share

By Anoymous - 9/6/2013 06:02 - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54499

You deserved it

3657

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55102

You deserved it

9275

Tweet

Share

By KatVanGogh - 26/8/2013 01:16 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, my mom is convinced that my cat is the reincarnation of Vincent van Gogh. Why? He sleeps under my sunflowers and is a ginger tabby cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38230

You deserved it

3137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5538

You deserved it

464

Tweet

Share

By greenandswirly - 18/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I injured my knee at a Zumba class, a class I joined to lose weight so my knees wouldn't hurt so much. Now I can't even go for a leisurely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5568

You deserved it

784

Tweet

Share

By lily389 - 21/3/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38180

You deserved it

4065

Tweet

Share

By lagirl - 9/6/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56240

You deserved it

70117

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bunnybean12321 | 18

#6261145 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

on the bright side, at least theyre non toxic, so other than a tummy ache, she should be alright

By c_wyld | 21

#6261152 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:27

I once got sick in kindergarden by eating a whole tube of glue, and then got sick all over my teacher.

Comments

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6261144 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

Were you supposed to take care of her?

Reply

tac0609 | 13

#6261355 - Monday 13 April 2015 13:35

Well, if you don't see her about to eat the crayon, you can't really stop her

By bunnybean12321 | 18

#6261145 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

on the bright side, at least theyre non toxic, so other than a tummy ache, she should be alright

Reply

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6261391 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:08

*Random comment incoming"
Your pictures are awesome. Haha

By c_wyld | 21

#6261152 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:27

I once got sick in kindergarden by eating a whole tube of glue, and then got sick all over my teacher.

Reply

AndyPurdy | 31

#6261165 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#6261196 - Monday 13 April 2015 9:16

Have you been inseparable ever since?

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#6261314 - Monday 13 April 2015 12:31

Haha I was the same way. I was always eating everything when I was little. Dirt. Grass. Sand. Glue. Crayons. All that stuff. I was a curious toddler. Haha. Maybe it's why I very rarely get sick now. Who knows.

By thejonac | 21

#6261156 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:29

time to start praying

By thejonac | 21

#6261158 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:30

although they're non-toxic, i think it's best you get a doctor to make sure she's fineqq

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6261550 - Monday 13 April 2015 16:44

Are people downvoting this just for the qq at the end

Reply

dragonvale19 | 12

#6262069 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 1:42

Maybe.... Or they just think a nurse is a good excuse for a doctor, but then again i get all my information from ifunny. :3

By _Peppermint_ | 34

#6261162 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:32

But I thought Crayola was non-toxic? Unless it was RoseArt. F*#k RoseArt.

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6261554 - Monday 13 April 2015 16:46

No words can describe my despair as a child when I picked up a crayon expecting a Crayola... only to find it was a RoseArt. Goddamn.

By chewebb | 8

#6261163 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

Good looking out.

By shemademedoit | 20

#6261164 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

I hope she's OK. if the crayon was blue then she will come out if there as an avatar

By turtlesman | 7

#6261167 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:35

something my children will do....

By rachelottavia | 16

#6261171 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:37

pretty colors, you know!