Health: Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me... - FML

By drewcaver - United States - Houston

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

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Out of it

Weird kid

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 04:56 - United States - Marietta

Bye Herbie

Today, after hours of waiting and $300 spent, I find out my transmission is dying. My car is old, so the price of rebuilding it is more than it's worth. That's money well spent. FML

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By weirdlaugh - United States

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

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By ouchieouch - United States

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

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By Bald - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

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By allinicolesmh - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

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By youshitme - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

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By drew - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

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By carwife - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

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By TooShort - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By Mikaela - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

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By koletatlow19 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

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By OverIt - United States - Winchester

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

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By SteamLass765

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

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By ydahs - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

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By BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

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By thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

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By nerd - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

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By djangle - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

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By regiftee - United States

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

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By idiot - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

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By blahblah - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

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By Alice - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

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By Kate - United States

Today, I was waiting for the train. It arrived, I got on and the woman behind me stepped on the back of my shoe. My shoe came flying off and landed in the gutter between the train and the platform. The doors closed, the train pulled away. FML

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By yeah - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

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By latino14 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

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By greenintheface - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, "Honey, what did you make me for dinner?" FML

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By lolowills

Today, I was complimented by my guests about the great of service I was giving them. They then left me a $2 tip on a $50 tab. FML

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By evelynn - France

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

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By girly - United States - Canton

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Contact tracing

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mackay

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

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By Fuzy - France

Today, my Art Director once again turned down a demo model (for an advertisement) that I'd been working on for a week. This time he took his belt off and started thrashing the model to pieces. FML

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By BadBoyfriend - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

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By my patience is starting to crack

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

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Top comments

By bunnybean12321 | 18

#6261145 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

on the bright side, at least theyre non toxic, so other than a tummy ache, she should be alright

By c_wyld | 21

#6261152 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:27

I once got sick in kindergarden by eating a whole tube of glue, and then got sick all over my teacher.

COMMENTS

By JOEBOBARNOLD | 15

#6261144 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

Were you supposed to take care of her?

Reply

tac0609 | 13

#6261355 - Monday 13 April 2015 13:35

Well, if you don't see her about to eat the crayon, you can't really stop her

By bunnybean12321 | 18

#6261145 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:24

on the bright side, at least theyre non toxic, so other than a tummy ache, she should be alright

Reply

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6261391 - Monday 13 April 2015 14:08

*Random comment incoming"
Your pictures are awesome. Haha

By c_wyld | 21

#6261152 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:27

I once got sick in kindergarden by eating a whole tube of glue, and then got sick all over my teacher.

Reply

AndyPurdy | 31

#6261165 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#6261196 - Monday 13 April 2015 9:16

Have you been inseparable ever since?

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#6261314 - Monday 13 April 2015 12:31

Haha I was the same way. I was always eating everything when I was little. Dirt. Grass. Sand. Glue. Crayons. All that stuff. I was a curious toddler. Haha. Maybe it's why I very rarely get sick now. Who knows.

By thejonac | 21

#6261156 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:29

time to start praying

By thejonac | 21

#6261158 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:30

although they're non-toxic, i think it's best you get a doctor to make sure she's fineqq

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6261550 - Monday 13 April 2015 16:44

Are people downvoting this just for the qq at the end

Reply

dragonvale19 | 12

#6262069 - Tuesday 14 April 2015 1:42

Maybe.... Or they just think a nurse is a good excuse for a doctor, but then again i get all my information from ifunny. :3

By _Peppermint_ | 34

#6261162 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:32

But I thought Crayola was non-toxic? Unless it was RoseArt. F*#k RoseArt.

Reply

slingerslasher | 24

#6261554 - Monday 13 April 2015 16:46

No words can describe my despair as a child when I picked up a crayon expecting a Crayola... only to find it was a RoseArt. Goddamn.

By chewebb | 8

#6261163 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

Good looking out.

By shemademedoit | 20

#6261164 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:33

I hope she's OK. if the crayon was blue then she will come out if there as an avatar

By turtlesman | 7

#6261167 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:35

something my children will do....

By rachelottavia | 16

#6261171 - Monday 13 April 2015 8:37

pretty colors, you know!