Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the subway station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced, "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one." FML
Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone except me. Then one of them said, "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML
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Top comments
DerrickJames 33
Those aren't your friends.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Shitty bouncer. Shittier friends.
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Comments (147)
AnonymousPotamus 8
Rude people everywhere! Sorry OP. New friends are in your future.
barricadebabe 15
I don't think doormen are allowed to kick someone out or not let them in for such a stupid reason. Plus, your friends are douchebags.
fareith 15
That's the whole way clubs work. Hot girls are let in, others aren't.
Caitie_kid 8
How did any of the jersey shore people get into clubs ever? :p
Dynosaur_dollie 38
camera crews and money is how they made it in.
perdix 31
Maybe you ought to go to the zoo and find some new friends. With your luck, I'll bet all the male baboons are tit-baboons and not arse-baboons.
chosha_fml 27
Hey look, the asshole bouncer added a comment. Go be a **** somewhere else.
Thundering_Jibbs 13
#42, do you realize you just insulted Perdix? You're in for a world of hurt buddy, have fun in the ninth circle of hell!
AboveAll04 14
yeah 42, if I were you(which I'm glad I'm not because nobody is dumb enough to insult PERDIX besides you) I would find a rock and hide under it because we all know what happened to the last dumbass that did that.
CoffeeChickBlows 13
^ And this kids, is what we call "tossing the salad" aka giving a rimjob. Some of us have to pay for it. Others get it for free, especially if they're internet "famous." Put a little more tongue into it, 82.
AboveAll04 14
well, I'll try but u only taught me so much :(
ManInTheMachine 20
So witty, 86. I can barely handle the amount of effort that went into that retort. Teach me your ways, O wise one.
chosha_fml 27
I see. So this wasn't a one-off? Perdix is always a bully? You sound like a lackey. Do you get treats and a pat on the head or just the privilege of blowing him once in a while? No-one who would be so mean to someone hurting like this OP deserves any kind of deference.
ManInTheMachine 20
No need to be bitchy, 132. The only point we're trying to make is to get to rod out of your snooty ass and realize that perdix always makes offensive comments that he intends in a joking manner. Bottom line: don't take anything he says seriously, or you're gonna have a bad time.
chosha_fml 27
It was a bastard remark after what would have been a really humiliating and hurtful experience for the OP. It's not like I was the only one voting it into invisibility. Why support someone in being mean just because they always do it?
ManInTheMachine 20
I understand your Sympathy for the OP, but as I said before: 98% of perdix's comments, no matter how blatantly rude and/or offensive they may seem, are not meant to be taken seriously. It's almost always sarcasm or a joke. In fact, the only couple times I've seen him serious is when: 1.) He got into an argument with someone about men driving a Prius (which he owns), this one was months ago, and 2.) When some asshat named Stephan got into a similar argument about perdix's MO, but was too stubborn and idiotic to take the advice being given to him. He's been doing this since the beginning of FML and nobody seems to have had a problem with it since, except maybe the people that can't take a joke. So, in conclusion, even if you disagree, either thumb it down and move on or don't acknowledge it, because it's not going to change any time soon.
challan 19
I'm so sorry OP. Rude friends and a bouncer on an ego trip.
catsie_fml 14
Definitely ditch the friends, how immature of them...
ShinedownLuv 14
Bad bouncer, worse friends, Sorry OP!
jmcr 27
That sucks OP some friends you got there show how much more fun you can have without them!
puggypark 14
You gotta make better friends
Slaught000 9
Man I feel for OP. That was a trashy thing to do to someone.
perdix 31
I don't see why everyone's ganging up on the bouncer. He's given instructions to allow only hot-looking people in -- that's how you keep a club "fancy." Needless to say, I've never been to a "fancy" club.
MzZombicidal 36
I think someone should make a club that is for the "unattractive" people that those fancy clubs deny! It's better than playing WoW or going on a dating site!
perdix 31
#38, that's good in theory, but ugly people still think they have a shot with hot people of the opposite sex. The only way it can work is if it opens at 1:30 AM and sells 4-for-1 stiff drinks. It would have an Old West theme because it caters to . . . *lowers sunglasses* settlers.
Druu 53
@40 *slow clap*
MzZombicidal 36
#40, I honestly laughed so hard that reply. So witty!
Raesin 21
Trouble is, being 'hot' is a matter of opinion. They also let in any guy ever so the ladies don't even get a pick of the 'hot' guys. I hate to be 'that' person, but it's one of those places where sexism is accepted and even expected with no negative consequences.
perdix 31
#118, actually the girls get in based on their looks and the guys by their wealth. The men get filtered out by the exorbitant drink prices and cover charges. It's really a degrading and debasing ritual and that's why I don't participate . . . and not because I'm cheap ;)