Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked... - FML

By kjcarey123 - 15/7/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20316

You deserved it

44171

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Race against the clock

Not a cheating!

By James - 6/9/2019 02:04

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1711

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By mislabeled - 27/8/2020 20:05

What did I do?

Today, two friends of almost ten years told my husband they had concerns about our marriage, and basically said they can no longer be friends with me. My husband and I never fight, and have other people tell us they are jealous of our relationship. The worst part is they still want to be friends with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1638

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By K Holed - 29/1/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24760

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11861

You deserved it

28462

Tweet

Share

By Tupac - 18/10/2017 05:00

Today, I got a new title at work. My boss hyped it up and made it sound amazing, so I accepted. Come to find out it pays 20k less a year and is twice as much work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3464

You deserved it

1656

Tweet

Share

By Annienomous - 9/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25129

You deserved it

5319

Tweet

Share

By Amanda Howard - 15/3/2020 09:00

When you gotta go, you gotta go

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

461

Tweet

Share

By needurlove - 15/4/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10985

You deserved it

47841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 02:00

Is this dude a puma?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1285

You deserved it

1324

Tweet

Share

By Greattitan2 - 29/6/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25506

You deserved it

1847

Tweet

Share

By Avnirvana - 7/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Fair analysis

Today, I seriously considered writing in SCP-106 for president. I hate both candidates so much, I would willingly take President Radical Larry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

355

You deserved it

685

Tweet

Share

By username - 19/5/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34598

You deserved it

5875

Tweet

Share

By ohseven6421 - 3/9/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12078

You deserved it

78776

Tweet

Share

By LoLWut?? nd Why?? - 16/4/2013 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26532

You deserved it

47430

Tweet

Share

By ohshittttttt - 4/4/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22458

You deserved it

158080

Tweet

Share

By airborne - 6/5/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56081

You deserved it

17548

Tweet

Share

By WalkTheOtherWay - 1/2/2015 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30567

You deserved it

7527

Tweet

Share

By peeepeee. - 3/6/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45285

You deserved it

4387

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33624

You deserved it

4225

Tweet

Share

By Thefaller - 11/7/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1348

You deserved it

801

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35628

You deserved it

4215

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2017 12:00

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2842

You deserved it

320

Tweet

Share

By Nirah - 26/7/2019 21:00 - Canada - Parksville

Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1917

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/9/2012 01:37 - United States - Duarte

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32181

You deserved it

4837

Tweet

Share

By ryjacs - 3/6/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32629

You deserved it

2837

Tweet

Share

By imfullthanks - 14/3/2009 23:06 - Norway

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88477

You deserved it

7629

Tweet

Share

By jellyybean - 5/9/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41542

You deserved it

5841

Tweet

Share

By blububble412 - 22/1/2015 03:46 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33907

You deserved it

2447

Tweet

Share

By canispankthat - 1/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32551

You deserved it

4828

Tweet

Share

By mperh - 28/5/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42778

You deserved it

3225

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 19/1/2009 10:26 - Canada

Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35092

You deserved it

9943

Tweet

Share

By sadparty - 6/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37996

You deserved it

7487

Tweet

Share

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57652

You deserved it

4818

Tweet

Share

By op-poopy - 22/4/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29940

You deserved it

2583

Tweet

Share

By tazthespaz - 29/12/2016 03:18 - United States - Comstock Park

Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were having his wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5078

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

By tclwj - 6/9/2020 23:01 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Kids and their wacky crazes

Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my 2 daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By limeychefboy - 23/2/2018 01:30

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3610

You deserved it

2183

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 20/11/2011 11:31 - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32582

You deserved it

5010

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2917

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2010 08:57 - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39486

You deserved it

2617

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jm88 | 0

#399589 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:09

I have never heard of the trash bin referred as the "round one". That's hilarious.

By manoverboard | 0

#399597 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:10

Who calls a garbage can 'the round one'?

COMMENTS

By inbar123 | 0

#399565 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:04

i could see that happeing

Reply

abigaill | 0

#399618 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:13

"I could see that happening."

Reply

fmlAllStar7274 | 0

#399804 - Thursday 16 July 2009 0:07

I could see that happening to me, LOL

OP- probably the BEST FML I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Failzoid | 0

#400406 - Thursday 16 July 2009 5:14

Well.. If you could see that happening. Maybe it did..? Maybe that's why it's on FML? Because this person exists and this happened? :P

Also. Rotund?

Reply

kjcarey123 | 0

#401800 - Thursday 16 July 2009 17:22

haha thanks...its a good post cuz it REALLY happened...some of these are so far fetched

Reply

clairebaby_ | 0

#409700 - Sunday 19 July 2009 6:51

true

Reply

jdizzle1245 | 0

#457199 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 22:42

your the asshole of the office. i get it

Reply

appIeiphone | 0

#1219065 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 22:56

I would hand it to him for being an ass and be like here you go round one....

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#399568 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:04

HAHAHA that is awesome!

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#399643 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:17

You might be the asshole in the office, but at least you are not "the round one". I bet they will start calling him that.

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1076570 - Saturday 10 July 2010 6:47

WIENER DOG!

Reply

brit4nyxbabii | 0

#2652755 - Friday 10 June 2011 5:27

hahaah ^ winn!

By jm88 | 0

#399589 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:09

I have never heard of the trash bin referred as the "round one". That's hilarious.

By Fml37 | 0

#399591 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:09

Ahaha consider yourself you're lucky you weren't fired

By manoverboard | 0

#399597 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:10

Who calls a garbage can 'the round one'?

Reply

chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#399621 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:14

i know, wth? XD

Reply

Nacirema20 | 0

#1126881 - Friday 23 July 2010 5:56

BEATLES! :-) Good taste man. :)

By icehot | 0

#399614 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:13

wow way to misinterpret.

By tenniskettle | 0

#399615 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:13

haha the asshole of the office, you sort of deserved that- shudda asked who he meant specifically it was for.

By plexico | 3

#399617 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:13

You're not the asshole of the office -- you're the funny one!

By jonnymohio | 2

#399626 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:14

I've heard it called "the circular file" but not the round one.

By SarlaccBits | 0

#399631 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:15

Meh, who cares. It’s not like your fat co-worker doesn’t know they are fat. It’s an honest mistake… and would have been hilarious to witness.