Work: Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me... - FML

By Deedee

Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML

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Tidy your room

Freak out

Just a prank, bro!

By why? - 12/4/2020 17:00

Unreasonable demands

Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML

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By Joel - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

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By rockstarohyeah - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

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By French - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

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By CSPKrissi

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

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By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

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By Passive ass aggressor - 8/4/2021 02:00

Cranky

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

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By mateyouremental - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

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By sandy - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2021 00:30

Landmine

Today, my sister told everyone she doesn't get mad at people anymore, and just accepts it. Today is also the day she folded laundry and threw my clothes around my room. Still not mad, just passive aggressive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Missoula

Today, I was on a plane flying home and fell asleep. I woke up to my own snoring and everyone on the plane looking at me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

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By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Question Time

Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML

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By Heart-Broken - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Laying eggs!

Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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By kittybad - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

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By coldasfire - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

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By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

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By silver

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

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By flaggurl - United States

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

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By tryingtostealmyheart

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

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By resurrected - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

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By ::Tracy:: - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

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By Lola987

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

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By logansowow

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By Florida - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

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By child - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

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By jts - United States - Asheville

Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML

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By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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Top comments

By bigredmonkeybutt | 25

#7430299 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 0:53

Maybe a promotion is in the works. Could be! You don't know!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7430307 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 1:15

Well, he indicated that he's planning on you leaving the company.

COMMENTS

By bigredmonkeybutt | 25

#7430299 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 0:53

Maybe a promotion is in the works. Could be! You don't know!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7430307 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 1:15

Well, he indicated that he's planning on you leaving the company.

By blink831forever | 13

#7430387 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 7:55

um..I hope things turn out well for you.

By Cali | 54

#7430426 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 10:46

Any chance it was a joke? Do you happen work for Michael Scott?

By Yudith | 20

#7430513 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 13:02

Time to dust the ol' resume.

By sasquatchius | 3

#7430531 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 13:13

Keep a record of this, it could come in useful if you're unfairly dismissed.

By 10thFloor | 16

#7537082 - Sunday 3 September 2017 17:57

what happened then?? did we get a follow up?