Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML
Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML
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Top comments
steviesnm 6
Do you have a dog? They're pretty good at leaving surprises on driveways also.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Not quite a new Lexus?
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Comments (148)
ShatteredRubiks 16
Pre-dinner mayo, it's good for you!!
L_Lovegood 19
Hey, that WAS special. How many girls do you think get mayo in their driveways from the loved one? And it indeed sounds like you were surprised, too ;-)
almostalbino 10
Code for: Woman, get in the kitchen where you belong and make me a sammich.
Egao_fml 8
I'm watching Cheapskates right now, oh irony.
mrszane93 5
Haha. That show was disturbing tonight. I think I'd rather have packs of mayonaise from my boyfriend at a random time than wilted flowers, a teapot (both from the trash), animal crackers, and a kids squishy head toy from my husband on our 25th year anniversary. Idk how she pits up with it. I have one thought but.... Probably not a great factor in their lives anymore.
fuckkyeaaaalaura 12
he's the best!
kitsune3 20
I would be amused and find it kind of cute. Then again, I happen to be somewhat addicted to mayo. I slather it all over my sandwiches lol. So I'd be like "YEAH! You brought me effin mayo! I love you, man!"
DelilahP 0
Funny.
bella3911 6
Lucky it wasn't a bag of poop or something
lilpowers 3
Cheapskate
BboyMarkieMark 3
Maybe its a hint for later on...