Pranks, Wanker and Intimacy: Tanned

Tanned

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

agreeclassic 20 941

vote type 1 46 353

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By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

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By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/06/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

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Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

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By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

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By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

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By blotchy-girl - 15/07/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:27 - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

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By Ohgodithurts - 19/10/2020 11:00

Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML

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Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

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untoward 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:05

well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway

katieebabyy 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

carrot crotch!

Comments

Tovlu 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:12

oompaloompa!

mc1900 4

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:12

that is awesome. haha

jessisaur 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:43

I say put nair in his shampoo

evfreak_fml 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 15:27

^This

Xavi89 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:45

omg! that's ******* epic!!!

thedopetroll 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:48

If your masturbating it really doesn't matter, you're not getting any action anyways.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:51

Dude, if he's fapping that much anyways, the skin will shed faster. Rubbing vigorously = friction = HEY! What do you know. A normal coloured penis AND hand!

texasjalapeno_fml 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 14:13

187 - Good logic, never would have thought of that one

stewpididiot 11

Saturday 2 October 2010 6:55

only people that never have sex ********** ? is that what I'm Hearing ? OMG!!! BULLSHIT!!!! every single person that said 'if you ********** no one is gonna see it anyway' can kiss both sides of my ass !!!!! you all are prolly chronic 'baters !! Assholes