Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
I've heard of "my dog ate my homework" excuse, but this is a new one. Go find another one at a store and quick!
mandygrl25 18
Why did you keep the suit within your dogs reach?
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Comments (56)
kayleighcupcake 14
I'm torn between options. you shouldn't have eaten questionable food but your dog ripping up your tux is just crap!
sematariux 7
Shoot that mutt
Bootzieboo 0
Is your Dog Deaf.... All you should of had to do was a simple command word.... Hhhhmmmm I think this is Bull****!!! Or you simply didn't want to participate in the wedding..... So you Sabotaged it all on your OWN!!!
kasmol 16
Are you seriously saying that you couldn't let a little shit dribble down your leg in order to avoid losing a tux and a pair of shoes?!? Either you're being less than truthful now or you're just building your excuse for not attending the wedding. YDI
the_real_dvd 21
The dog doesn't respect his master. My dogs would run in front of a moving car if I commanded them to. Step up and be an alpha.
ScarletRoses92 22
time to call a dog trainer?
Poetaster 10
Well, thats a shitty situation!
stirbnichtvormir 14
I feel you there buddy. Today my dog and my cat made it their duty to destroy my brand new headphones.
KaylaTackett 18
You don't have a very well trained dog! It's your fault your stuff got ruined right in front of you. You need to teach your dog the "leave it" commend.
j_cat187 20
Yid for having a recdum.