Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
olpally 33
I've heard of "my dog ate my homework" excuse, but this is a new one. Go find another one at a store and quick!
mandygrl25 18
Why did you keep the suit within your dogs reach?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
kittiemarie 8
You deserve it for having an undisciplined dog... My dog knows she'd get beaten for chewing anything! Stick some toilet paper between your legs and waddle over to beat that dog!
spicedream 8
that's why you train your dogs. but good luck op.
lysx84 24
Reading through these comments I am amazed and appalled that it has taken until comment 34 before someone mentioned that dogs should be trained. Does everyone just let their pets run wild?
awkwardloveannie 28
I woulda kept it somewhere he couldn't get to like the closet with the door closed. but hope you got it worked out.
japtap81 16
Ever hear of a closet? Anything that is expensive or needs to be worn for something extremely important should always be put in a closed closet when you have any type of pet in your house. I don't even have pets but I make sure my important clothes are as safe as I can get them.
Coolet90 7
um sounds like ur dog is pissed at u and you should have taught him better as far as chewing on things that are not his toys. also yelling and making a startling noise at him would probably have gotten him to stop
bellydancer82 15
That's exactly what I was thinking. Hell, if my dog was chewing up my wedding dress I wouldn't give a **** about the bucket, I'd just shoo the dog away!
worldclassrager 41
Hope you were not drastically fitted...just rent another in this time and explain what happened to the first one...or get one of those tux t-shirts...I'm joking don't be that guy...
corocoro 30
Uhm, you may want to actually train your dog. Unless it's a young puppy, that kinda behavior is not okay. And if it were a puppy, a sharp word would've done the trick...
kayden_14 13
This sounds like a job for... Old man depends!!!
laurentiu 2
Just pull up your underwear, grab the dog and lock it in the bathroom with you. 1 pair of underwear ruined, 1 suit saved. Extra: Maybe teach your dog to not destroy clothing and buy him some chew toys