Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Drunkle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML
Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML
Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said, "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML
Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML
Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brewmaster at a beer company. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML
Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML
Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML
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Top comments
jsni2132 18
Hey, it's better than being called doperman.
JasonUMN 15
Who cares about the nickname. The real focus is that you took a positive step to change your life, and that's what's important here.
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Comments (32)
michelleJ11 25
Explain the nickname to your boss, OP; I'm sure he'll understand. I think the most important part of this FML is that you're giving up alcohol, so congratulations! :)
JMichael 26
It's a nickname, and most likely they'll get bored of it and stop soon. No reason to complain here.
perdix 31
Put a bunch of whiskey and liquor bottles on your desk and don't drink from them. Eventually, your boss will figure out you are NOT an alcoholic. That's some great career counseling there, I tell you.
Korra_fml 23
the problem with that is 1) OP may get in trouble for having alcohol at his job whether he drinks from them or not, and 2) co-workers may come visit and sneak a sip or 2 while he's away from his desk, and that would make it appear as tho OP was in fact drinking said alcohol.
Welshite 40
#28: I know humor is getting expensive nowadays, but surely you can scrounge up enough to buy one. I know a great place where you can purchase a sense of humor. All it takes is three short laughs, a wink, and a picture of you streaking. They even offer you a lifetime warranty: all the humor you want or your laughs and wink back. They keep the picture though.
cakefete2 31
Or #3, the boss might stop in for a drink with OP, and change corporate policy to include happy hour. Sip sip hooray.
Welshite 40
Only the official Sense of Humor comes with a manual, Noor. Unfortunately, too many people decide to purchase knock-offs (usually titled "Funner Puns and Jokz) and that's where we get "that's a _____ situation" and pussy jokes on cat FMLs.
cakefete2 31
The jokes in that book are almost as bad as the advice in their follow-up series. Which gives such nuggets as, "dump him/her now" or "i hope you mean ex".
perdix 31
#36, yeah, but you kids today have it easy. Back in my day, we'd be assaulted by barrages of unfunny Soviet Russia "jokes" and reverse FMLs! Getting rid of those scourges kinda makes me part of the Greatest Generation.
RedPillSucks 33
Damn it perdix, the meer mention of SR jokes may resurrect it. The new zombie apocalypse
DrippingSarcasm 20
Soberman to the rescue! - ... SOBERMAN? ARE YOU OKAY? DID YOU JUST WALK INTO THAT POLE?
perdix 31
Good thing your dog is not a Weimarijuana -- you'd get "random" drug tests several times a week!
tj4234 36
I don't see your boss' logic here. Dramatic irony perhaps? But surely a name like soberman implies you don't drink... Wouldn't your nickname be alcaboy if you drank?
Dynosaur_dollie 38
as previous mention the boss may be using logic similar to when people call a big guy tiny, or a heavy guy 'slim'. Sometimes nicknames are mocking a very obvious trait.
awkwardloveannie 28
as long as you don't get fired for it ignore it? your boss may think you're an alcoholic but you know you're not
Gittoh 21
would he not be able to see if you were an alcoholic? or is that only a prejudice?
tranced_ 45
you're famous ! be happy :)
cryssyx3mwah 5
what a stupid nickname.