Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
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Top comments
lolol182 4
ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came
Socrates_fml 0
how did you answer/what happened?
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Comments (414)
ohdamn_fml 2
C-c-c-c-combo breaker!
azn_m16 0
Hahahah, my favorite FML XP Well, what'd you saay?! Hahaah to #3 && #88
podrummer9209 0
LMAO 124 wins the whole universe.. That is the best shirt in existence. 122: Yes, you probably are. What we're looking at here is a classic case of blue balls: Woman almost gets a guy off, then stops. Women experience something similar when a guy tries to get them off and then they complain about how they 'lost it'. *shrug*
nikkireese 0
#25, 123= LMAO, as does this post. i agree w #112. and commenters should rly pause to read the long comments. it takes a few words to establish valid points.
TimeTruthHearts 0
lol @ #17! Your comment made my day.
phobes 0
Ignoring everyone else, this wasn't a FML. This was an EPIC WIN
hislovelylady 0
LMFAO @ #29!
allie2590 31
Yep, she's a keeper.
phobes 0
#127, shirt? It's a meme. #108 lol u tk him 2 da bar|? Please learn to spell so that other people can comprehend ;)
Kyzomo 0
lol wtf weird girl. and wtf is up with people writing essay's on FML???? just write a commnet and keep it moving. nobody wants to read ur novels