Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's.... - FML

By Lena - 27/3/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML

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Does it taste good?

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This ain't working out

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 17:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

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By riiiighhhttttt - 5/8/2013 05:38 - United States - Laurel

Today, I actually had to explain to my sister that Shrek was not in fact based on a true story. She replied that I'm a "clueless twat". FML

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By misshb - 18/1/2010 01:26 - United Kingdom

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

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By 1meme129 - 24/2/2016 14:12 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

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By awkward drunk - 29/1/2011 12:40 - Canada

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

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By szechuansauce - 10/4/2017 20:00

Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML

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By ksa - 4/8/2015 19:06 - Poland - Katowice

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

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By paymeinhugs - 17/3/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

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By yankeeboy123 - 12/1/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

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By yolomane - 6/12/2019 01:00

He does not care!

Today, I was walking to the bus stop for school. And the bus drove past me, I chased it and fell in a puddle, my boyfriend was in the bus, and he laughed. FML

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By cartrouble - 2/10/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

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By Matt - 15/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

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By milkybear - 15/6/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

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By mistletoe - 9/12/2013 02:21 - United States - Miami

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

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By embarrassed - 11/11/2011 15:17 - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

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By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

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By notakeeper - 3/1/2014 03:50 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

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By Angel - 13/1/2016 13:56 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

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By PetitPrincePerdu - 8/5/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

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By laurraaa - 11/7/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I received 7 notifications on facebook. Girls in my grade were commenting on my photo because they knew the location of it. They then started to have a conversation and they planned a whole social event. On my photo. I wasn't invited. FML

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By abusedparrot - 24/8/2014 12:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

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By kmctl - 20/5/2015 18:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

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By fml_forever32 - 23/12/2009 18:56 - United States

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

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By ZPyRoGoDz - 2/11/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

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By MADfml - 26/2/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/8/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By CreeptacularBait - 21/3/2018 15:00

Today, after my husband trusted me to sort out the arrangements for modifying our kitchen and I spent a lot of time finding the perfect top-quality items, they were delivered 1,291 miles away in a town I’ve never heard of. FML

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By DaisyMay - 4/4/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

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By ohcrap - 11/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 17:59 - United States

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

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By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/1/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

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By nicetoknow - 26/9/2016 12:57 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

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By godhatesme - 10/12/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2020 08:00

Never? NEVER?!

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for 4 years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

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By WearingSomethingStringy - 10/4/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

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By graospe - 12/12/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on eBay. FML

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By alex - 24/2/2012 21:35 - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

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Top comments

By ozac | 0

#62473 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:05

She probably said it more sarcastically, then actually meaning it...

By null_fml | 11

#62517 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:17

How small a scar? Vanity might be one of those flaws.

COMMENTS

By ozac | 0

#62473 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:05

She probably said it more sarcastically, then actually meaning it...

By bcmg44 | 0

#62499 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:11

Yikes.

By Jimboom | 11

#62513 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:15

She is probably jealous. Just ignore the bitch.

By ohhboyy | 0

#62514 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:15

like wtf?

By BaldOuting | 0

#62516 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:16

we might have the same mother - that sounds like mine!

By null_fml | 11

#62517 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:17

How small a scar? Vanity might be one of those flaws.

By melissa_03 | 0

#62526 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:19

it kind of sounds like she was kidding..

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#62528 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:19

that happens if you whine up about a scar

By wut_fml | 0

#62546 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:23

this does not sound like an FML, tbh

By thektulu7 | 0

#62551 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:24

This is not an FML. There's a popular saying you simply must not hear too often, but it goes pretty much like what your mother said. The idea is that everyone is different because of their flaws. If everyone was perfect we would all be the same. The differences, the flaws, shape and define our character and uniqueness. It wasn't anything mean she said (I think).