Today, while drinking with my siblings, my brother said out loud at the pub: “I have to go…wipe better”, then he fucked off and didn’t come back. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, while my nephews got ready for school, my boyfriend walked into the bathroom to ask me if he could accompany us to the bus stop. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold my diarrhea anymore. As he was asking, I began to loudly relieve myself. He looked at me in shock and just said, “Oh okay, I’ll fuck off now.” FML
Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, I took my brother to the bathroom at a restaurant. The stall next to mine was locked, so I assumed he was still in there. I yelled his name a few times, then banged on the door out of annoyance. I gave up and returned to the table, where he was sitting with a grin. Turns out I just traumatized a poor lady in the stall. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I'm guessing his second attempt at wiping was a failure -- would you really want to be associated with the result?
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Comments (2)
RichardPencil 32
I'm guessing his second attempt at wiping was a failure -- would you really want to be associated with the result?