Intimacy: Run faster

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 164

You deserved it 79 243

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Same thing different taste

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 001

You deserved it 158 294

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 272

You deserved it 18 560

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 537

You deserved it 53 634

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 171

You deserved it 5 762

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Grâces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 4 567

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 570

You deserved it 18 036

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 830

You deserved it 37 131

By babysitter - 06/01/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 694

You deserved it 14 336

The show must go on

By gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 951

You deserved it 10 609

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 18:39 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 783

You deserved it 73 550

FlightNav 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:19

Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.

amirn86 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:18

Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me

Comments

annis_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:31

That's why you don't actually wear those types of shirt OUT. You never know who you'll run into. Wear it inside the house.

shorgenfunkel 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:33

#19: Even if one doesn't hear "misogynistic" commonly, it's easy enough to derive the meaning from roots ("mis-", "gyn-") and context. OP: "I agree, your life is ******." You didn't know that you'd see your girlfriend's parents during the jog, so this little "blunder" is understandable. However, that shirt just isn't really that funny, it's just meh.

greatnt249 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:35

#19, I'm assuming that if you really didn't know the meaning of a word, you could look it up in about 5 seconds on dictionary.com. After all, if you're reading FMLs, you're obviously on the Internet already. You're about the only person I know who gets offended that someone gave them the benefit of the doubt for being smart. My point is exactly how #20 stated it; give people the benefit of the doubt instead of patronizing them.

trimclay 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:39

who goes for a jog in a shirt like that?

kellster 2

Monday 16 March 2009 3:51

Who actually wears a stupid shirt like that?? You asked for that one!

ohdamn_fml 2

Monday 16 March 2009 4:07

Hahaha I love shirts like that

route95 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:14

youre an asshole just for wearing that shirt in public.

locasocha 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:20

why would you ever wear a shirt like that in public? first graders can read too, you know

soonerfan 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:22

damn man that sucks. Though the first time I met my gf's parents I was wearing a shirt that said Beware of My Weiner... it had a weiner dog on it though, and no one can get mad with a dog on a shirt. Hope you didn't lose her over it