By Decibell - 18/4/2020 05:00

Round and round

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Out of it

Alternative medicine is bull

By idontgetit - 12/6/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13923

You deserved it

30501

Tweet

Share

By skyhigh - 13/1/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48623

You deserved it

3297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 12:11 - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26030

You deserved it

3970

Tweet

Share

By Dfacta - 13/5/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36177

You deserved it

3173

Tweet

Share

By Ali (New York) - 24/6/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, I dislocated my collarbone while trying remove my bra without taking off my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20213

You deserved it

35981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 14:01

Free money for me, but not for thee

Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1089

You deserved it

786

Tweet

Share

By Hlaalette - 13/5/2015 13:57 - Belgium

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27064

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By Mary - 4/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49801

You deserved it

4053

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 16:00

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

251

Tweet

Share

By Shepaintsmusic - 29/12/2011 06:50

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33029

You deserved it

2784

Tweet

Share

By offuckingcourse - 6/8/2013 05:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59524

You deserved it

20200

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44501

You deserved it

11218

Tweet

Share

By poisonhand - 14/1/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26666

You deserved it

2793

Tweet

Share

By Name - 11/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8545

You deserved it

56006

Tweet

Share

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

I am hungry

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

617

You deserved it

3015

Tweet

Share

By icanthearyou - 4/4/2013 23:55 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44945

You deserved it

4001

Tweet

Share

By Wendizzle - 27/1/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31881

You deserved it

2753

Tweet

Share

By WTF - 5/9/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78391

You deserved it

3375

Tweet

Share

By apparantlyStupid - 27/6/2012 23:28 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12283

You deserved it

43352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 14:54 - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25413

You deserved it

2389

Tweet

Share

By xoragebaby - 24/1/2015 01:29 - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37567

You deserved it

4975

Tweet

Share

By - 17/2/2020 18:00

When karma does its job

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

4653

Tweet

Share

By crazygirl - 15/12/2010 02:18 - Canada

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11190

You deserved it

33573

Tweet

Share

By wetboy - 5/7/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54313

You deserved it

8861

Tweet

Share

By screwed.over - 10/10/2009 23:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32994

You deserved it

2746

Tweet

Share

By Savviecat97 - 25/7/2019 00:01

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By dork - 16/7/2009 20:32 - United States

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66964

You deserved it

3094

Tweet

Share

By American Idiot - 20/9/2016 19:25 - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12766

You deserved it

1433

Tweet

Share

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/1/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23136

You deserved it

1680

Tweet

Share

By ColdMN - 3/2/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24183

You deserved it

11073

Tweet

Share

By savioyr - 15/8/2018 15:00

Today, my business partners of 5 years asked me right after our 5-hour audit with the tax department, "Oh, we have to pay tax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2814

You deserved it

356

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 17:35 - United States

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10887

You deserved it

29843

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30028

You deserved it

2798

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 18:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Lockdown fashion

Today, my partner got a lockdown haircut. He now has a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

937

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2012 08:01 - United States

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26371

You deserved it

2255

Tweet

Share

By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52384

You deserved it

4129

Tweet

Share

By nickorion12 - 28/6/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11513

You deserved it

1263

Tweet

Share

By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24378

You deserved it

2972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2015 04:02 - United States - Portland

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31967

You deserved it

3660

Tweet

Share

By kids next door - 18/11/2013 10:14 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42184

You deserved it

3658

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By daisythebunny1988 | 9

#7898603 - Saturday 18 April 2020 6:27

I get stress because of my migraines which causes migraines which causes more stress, I know your pain and I am sorry that you have to suffer.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7898595 - Saturday 18 April 2020 5:04

Try not to poop.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7898595 - Saturday 18 April 2020 5:04

Try not to poop.

By daisythebunny1988 | 9

#7898603 - Saturday 18 April 2020 6:27

I get stress because of my migraines which causes migraines which causes more stress, I know your pain and I am sorry that you have to suffer.

By tabby cat tidbit | 6

#7898680 - Saturday 18 April 2020 12:17

it's all in your head

By ojoRojo | 23

#7898714 - Saturday 18 April 2020 15:02

What came first, the migraine or the pain? I’m really sorry OP, that sounds awful.

By ViviMage | 38

#7899060 - Sunday 19 April 2020 21:37

I had hormonal based migraines, and a change of medication did more for my migraines than anything else I tried thus far!