By LeftAndAbandoned - 11/8/2021 16:01

Red flag

Today, my fiancé called off our wedding, all because I wouldn’t tell him how much my life insurance is worth. Apparently, “Lovers don’t keep secrets from one another” and, “If you’re hiding that God knows what else you could be hiding.” FML
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By  rogue92  |  6

While OP makes this situation seem shady (and it very well may be) by the time 2 people are ready to get married EVERYTHING should be disclosed. Debts and financial status, stalker ex's, overbearing parents, etc.

By getting married you are mixing your life with another's both physically and financially (and spirituality if you want to go that way) so each other's boons and troubles affects the other. Once you are married he would know what it's worth anyway as he should become the one who it pays out to so asking now while your engaged isn't out of line and if your willing to hide that how does he know you don't also have hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans?

If your not ready to put everything on the table for him to see (and he needs to do the same) then your not ready to get married.

By  Crowned Sataness  |  7

why would you not? In the event of an accident, it pays her funeral costs and debts so it doesn't fall to her relatives. Here in the US a "cheap" funeral is $10k plus. I'm single and have life insurance so that burden doesn't fall to my son

COMMENTS
By  rogue92  |  6

While OP makes this situation seem shady (and it very well may be) by the time 2 people are ready to get married EVERYTHING should be disclosed. Debts and financial status, stalker ex's, overbearing parents, etc.

By getting married you are mixing your life with another's both physically and financially (and spirituality if you want to go that way) so each other's boons and troubles affects the other. Once you are married he would know what it's worth anyway as he should become the one who it pays out to so asking now while your engaged isn't out of line and if your willing to hide that how does he know you don't also have hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans?

If your not ready to put everything on the table for him to see (and he needs to do the same) then your not ready to get married.

Reply
  mike3775  |  34

My wife is not my beneficiary, and I am not my wife’s beneficiary. The beneficiaries for our policies are the children we have. The ones older than 18, it goes to them, younger than 18, into a trust until 18.

Not everyone has the spouse as beneficiary, especially if the spouse won’t need the money.

Also, I never asked my wife what her policy amount was worth, or who it goes to, and she never asked me either. It was something we never discussed until after we were married and blended our families.

Reply

why would you not? In the event of an accident, it pays her funeral costs and debts so it doesn't fall to her relatives. Here in the US a "cheap" funeral is $10k plus. I'm single and have life insurance so that burden doesn't fall to my son

Reply
  RichardPencil  |  30

When I said "single", I meant single and childless. Life insurance is to guarantee financial stability for anyone who depends on your income.

Policies are usually in the hundreds of thousands or millions. A policy to cover funeral costs is not really life insurance.

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  RichardPencil  |  30

How do you know this? I don't think I've told anyone what life insurance I have or asked about theirs.

If this is a typical topic of conversation for you, your chats must be scintillating! Let's get drunk and talk about PMI and escrow -- woo-hoo!

By  DoctorPALO  |  14

Does HE have life insurance? How much is it worth? Fairplay is a two-way street. If he isn't responsible enough to have his own policy, yours is none of his business. Once you are married, he may not "automatically" become the beneficiary, depending on where you live. I would ask him how much he thinks I need and go from there.

By  wawa_sxm  |  15

so you want him take on your debt but you want to hide your life insurance policy? what if it was reversed? and after 15 years together and a couple children he dies and you find out his life insurance only pays out 10k or that you are not the beneficiary...you will have a fit right?

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  Laura Taylor  |  2

How is she stating that she wants him to take on her debt? I'm married and my debt is MY debt. I don't ask for my husband's help on paying off loans or other such things. some people actually get married for love? not so another person can take on their debt...

By  Chazzster  |  22

I think that situation could be taken either of two ways:

(1) It sounds weird that fiancé should make such a big stink about the life insurance value, hopefully they were not planning on collecting it! If fiancé was tempted by such a thought then OP did quite literally “dodge a bullet”. At the best fiancé may have been looking for an excuse to call it off.

(2) By the time wedding plans are finalized and the parties are considering merging finances, or whatever, the couple need to understand what their financial situations are and how they plan to handle finances. Some merge the finances, some split the expenses according to their incomes and other expenses. In this context a life insurance policy which might have a present value (some life insurance policies are a combination of investment and life insurance and these do have a present value like a savings account). While I don’t necessarily believe that is usually a big consideration for pre-marital finances, fiancé might have some interest in knowing this - Though frankly even in this context I think his attitude was suspect, at best.

OP - Financial status and a plan for either shared expenses or split expenses are an important but delicate topic to bring up. But it’s a really important item to get resolved. Different couples approach it differently. There is no one way to do it. But it does need to be addressed to at least some degree before sharing a household.

By  core01  |  30

A friend of the family had her dad kill her mom for the insurance money. Then he insured her. She skipped town.
Never trust a dude when they start questioning how much you're worth if dead.