By Anonymous - 16/5/2021 02:01 - Saint Lucia - Castries

Poor odds

  Today, I looked into my fiance's Twitter to see he follows tons of "nipslips" and adult/porn pages, even though we've had numerous fights with him making excuses as to how/why I've been "misunderstanding" past issues. At this point I've pretty much bet my life on this guy. FML
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By  Bogrbon  |  23

Am I the only one far more concerned about the “past issues” and “misunderstanding” than the actual “he follows adult sites” part of this comment? The biggest question I have are about those issues. Is he being abusive or controlling? Are you constantly fighting? Is this part of a deeper issue with fidelity? Or do your goals, expectations and values just not align?

Is the specific behavior a deal breaker? Only you will know for sure. But if you’re having other major issues, it’s time to take a step back and decide if those past issues are red flags for the future. Things aren’t going to miraculously change when you say “I do,” and sign a piece of paper. If you’re having issues you can’t work out, now is the time to build an exit plan and move on rather than tying the knot between you and someone incompatible with your personality or values. It’s not too late to get off that ship before it sails and cancel that bet.

By  Crowned Sataness  |  6

well the question is this: does he have an addiction that's actively interfering with your lives, or do you just not like it? if the answer is A then fyl. if the answer is B, stop being a prude and get over it

COMMENTS
By  Crowned Sataness  |  6

well the question is this: does he have an addiction that's actively interfering with your lives, or do you just not like it? if the answer is A then fyl. if the answer is B, stop being a prude and get over it

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  QueenSaru  |  28

Agreed sort of. As a girl who looks at porn this is definitely a multi pronged issue.

a) is it actually an addiction as in it's getting in the way of YOUR intimacy? If so then you need to have a discussion with him about getting help. If he's unwilling to get help or at least even broach the conversation, then DTMF.

b) if this is just a "I don't like him looking at porn" thing and it's NOT creating issues in your own personal intimacy/sexy times with him, then you need to step back and think about whether this is a deal breaker for you. It's okay if it is, but be honest with yourself that it's going to be reaaaaaally difficult to find someone who does not engage in something of this behaviour.

c) if this is a trust issue thing and he's promised/lied about doing activities that you don't approve of, that's a separate issue of you just not liking the porn. He's actively engaging in something you told him you don't like, and rather than be an adult and have a conversation with you, he's gone behind your back and that's a red flag for other lies so you need to think about whether this is something you need couples counselling about, or whether you need to just leave.

By  kfchicken  |  31

does... does he know incognito mode and Google exist? on a more serious note if he has a problem or this is getting in the way of your bedroom time what youre doing isn't going to help. convince him to get help and work through this with him. if it's a difference in mortals then this is on you. either learn to compromise or move on, latching into something thats by and large normal in our society (I'm assuming you live in the west) and using it to snoop and cause issues is a great way to have a horrible relationship. also what's this have to do with betting your life on him? that was your choice to do and honestly if he does have an addiction putting that kind of pressure on him is the last thing he needs.

By  Bogrbon  |  23

Am I the only one far more concerned about the “past issues” and “misunderstanding” than the actual “he follows adult sites” part of this comment? The biggest question I have are about those issues. Is he being abusive or controlling? Are you constantly fighting? Is this part of a deeper issue with fidelity? Or do your goals, expectations and values just not align?

Is the specific behavior a deal breaker? Only you will know for sure. But if you’re having other major issues, it’s time to take a step back and decide if those past issues are red flags for the future. Things aren’t going to miraculously change when you say “I do,” and sign a piece of paper. If you’re having issues you can’t work out, now is the time to build an exit plan and move on rather than tying the knot between you and someone incompatible with your personality or values. It’s not too late to get off that ship before it sails and cancel that bet.

By  juggalo2  |  15

Regardless of the cause it sounds liken you are giving this man too much power in your life. You are not even married, and even if you were, and even if you had kids, it's never too late to do the right thing for yourself.

By  SM79  |  6

Get out. it sounds like y'all have a lot of relationship issues that aren't resolvable. End it now BEFORE you get married. Stop ignoring the red flags.

By  Regis Bent  |  11

As long as you guys have a good sexual relationship, and he's not cheating on you I don't see an issue. Until recently I would work out of town on 2-3 week shifts and my girlfriend knows I look at porn and she's fine with it as long as I deliver when I'm home, which I always did.