Health: Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in... - FML

By whitnayfortooh - 04/12/2015 18:26 - United States - Hampton

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 324

You deserved it 2 367

whitnayfortooh tells us more.

whitnayfortooh 29

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Saturday 5 December 2015 2:50

I grind my teeth pretty violently at night which caused the chip. Not bad dental hygiene ;)

Hiding from the drama

Stranded

Scratch that itch

By anon - 24/05/2012 18:59 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 354

You deserved it 2 645

By Finding Kemo - 16/04/2016 19:12 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 2 144

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 307

By blob - 21/02/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 876

You deserved it 2 736

Don't look!

By Garfield - 21/01/2016 04:41 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 3 842

By Cashier - 09/03/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 3 782

Check yourself

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 14:58 - United States - Bothell

Today, the dorm above me had their toilet pipe break and leak through my ceiling, so I have to move rooms. The worst part was I answered the door to let the repairman in while I was in pajamas, but he looked uncomfortable. I didn't notice until he left that my 'thing' was poking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 425

By iheartvodka - 07/11/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 590

You deserved it 6 679

By tikizombie - 30/08/2010 20:10 - Canada

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 135

You deserved it 8 356

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 272

You deserved it 4 405

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 05:16 - United States - Norfolk

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 4 903

By CassyM - 03/04/2017 10:00 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 03:11 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 081

You deserved it 7 051

By Josh - 27/09/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 341

You deserved it 5 800

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 227

You deserved it 3 556

Wait til he Googles it

By what a fuckin idiot - 09/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend left in a rage. He went through my bathroom drawers and saw that I had Vagisil. He’s legitimately convinced that vagisil is used to treat STIs. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 155

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

By Anyonymous_101 - 21/09/2019 14:02

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 80

Smooth talkin' dude

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 01:48 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 794

You deserved it 5 862

By hickey - 05/02/2010 10:35 - United States

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 911

You deserved it 62 230

By Janie - 10/01/2012 05:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 466

You deserved it 4 003

By imscrewed - 11/04/2013 07:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 190

You deserved it 85 814

By Anonymous - 06/05/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Spicy

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 648

You deserved it 51 932

By yollew - 25/11/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 30 049

Safe bet

By nerdy09 - 19/08/2021 03:59

Spicy

Today, a guy sent me, “I miss you.” I invited him to come over for a movie, but he then said, “I’m down for that, but I expect you to hook up with me.” I guess that’s all I’m good for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 188

By Yuuucky - 26/09/2011 16:58 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 17 079

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 578

You deserved it 36 259

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 528

You deserved it 7 756

By edgyasfuck23 - 13/05/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 537

You deserved it 989

By NeedToBeMessier - 17/10/2015 21:32 - United States - Hardwick

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 511

You deserved it 1 630

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 18:02 - United States - Cody

Today, I found out I'm getting a pay cut, a week after I told my boss I need a raise or second job just to afford bills. I made the company 10k last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 78

By cantdolife - 23/09/2018 21:00 - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 297

You deserved it 278

By Sleepy - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 548

You deserved it 69 783

By Monique - 10/04/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 10 768

By LadySteveMartin - 02/04/2013 00:18 - United States - Woonsocket

Spicy

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 038

You deserved it 8 476

By chew toy - 25/05/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 116

You deserved it 771

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 01:26 - United States - Washington

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 396

You deserved it 4 377

By Typidiot - 25/10/2017 01:37

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 2 582

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 180

Get me out of here

By IamHM - 19/07/2016 18:36 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 194

You deserved it 1 746

By feiedbutter - 07/12/2013 14:55 - Canada - Ottawa

Spicy

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 776

You deserved it 20 644

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Top comments

Nathan_Henry 15

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:36

Were you using a pic axe?

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:35

Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away... Oh wait... Or not...

Comments

obnum 19

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:35

Oh god that's sick. New motivation to brush my teeth more.

whitnayfortooh 29

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Saturday 5 December 2015 2:50

I grind my teeth pretty violently at night which caused the chip. Not bad dental hygiene ;)

KhaleesiDannie 26

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Saturday 5 December 2015 4:29

You should get one of those rubber teeth guard things they wear in football I used to grind my teeth when I was little and my mom had me wear one

Kielnmsoftly 26

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Saturday 5 December 2015 5:34

The same thing happened to me last month but with chips. You just get a filling (I think) and it's pretty easy and painless aside from the shot....which they fucked up mine and numbed both sides so yeah.

mariri9206 32

Monday 7 December 2015 2:40

OP, do you have a night guard? I grind my teeth/mash them/bite them against each other when I sleep and I was super concerned it about it hurting my teeth so I went to my dentist and got a night guard. Perhaps look into getting one, if you don't already?

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Tuesday 26 April 2016 21:23

I started using a mouth bite at night because it turns out I grind my teeth at night too. Maybe you should start using one too.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:35

Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away... Oh wait... Or not...

xXShadowStormXx 12

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:38

Never said anything about the dentist.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:49

Comment stealer

FSGInsainity 15

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Saturday 5 December 2015 5:10

that only applies when you throw them at them.

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Saturday 5 December 2015 7:48

An apple a day keeps the dentist in pay.

snackerattacker 11

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:35

Next time use floss so you don't a-pull any more teeth out :)

deathstroke990 22

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:35

maybe try to be a little bit more gentle

Nathan_Henry 15

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:36

Were you using a pic axe?

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:48

This hurts me to my core.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:36

Go to the dentist. They might do something.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 22:10

They might do something? I thought they got paid to fix teeth?

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:36

An apple a day keeps the doctor away but never the dentist, huh.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:44

That made me cringe.. Ahhh get it fixed :/

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:46

....but did you get the apple out?

whitnayfortooh 29

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Saturday 5 December 2015 2:48

unfortunately yes ha

photographer49 22

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Saturday 5 December 2015 4:25

#24 Unfortunately? Would you want to be missing a piece of your tooth and still have the apple in there?

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Saturday 5 December 2015 21:07

Wouldn't the apple piece disintegrate over time if you couldn't get it out? I think I'd rather choose that than loose a tooth.

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Saturday 5 December 2015 1:48

This is actually among my top fears. Horrifying.

whitnayfortooh 29

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Saturday 5 December 2015 2:55

it has always been my greatest fear as well. as I've said before I getting my teeth at night so I have quite a few nightmares of all my teeth falling out. ..so today has sucked.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 59

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 256