Health: Oh shit…

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 321

You deserved it 4 012

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 753

You deserved it 3 434

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 129

Own it!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 1 368

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 185

You deserved it 3 371

Stealth

By smellyhair - 02/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 129

You deserved it 3 848

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 177

You deserved it 4 208

By oops - 04/03/2016 21:28 - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 036

You deserved it 3 411

Get a load of this

By Zoro - 13/09/2023 21:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I had a wet fart with liquid in my underwear that I could smell. I let the one guy in front of me take the elevator so he wouldn't smell me. When the next empty elevator showed up, seven people started lining up behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 572

You deserved it 4 359

Pish yerself

By breyn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 2 513

Cherryta 17

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:36

It runs in the genes.

itsalanis 24

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:37

He gave you a fair warning there, OP. Heh...

Comments

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:45

*Insert depends puns here*

rocker_chick23 27

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:50

More like F the old mans life.

DocDrose 20

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:51

HOLY CRAP!

gbrodee1 5

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:57

must've been a shitty time

ultra_notorious 26

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:11

surprising he didn't ask you to help change his grampers!

raspution 21

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:28

shit happens

Neesalun 20

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:50

I made myself laugh by imagining you touching his shoulder and gravely nodding to him while saying "me too" as you shit your own.

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:42

Might've made the old man feel better about himself!

sunnysideup25 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:29

Those checkout wait times can be crappy sometimes.

boshbish 14

Sunday 1 June 2014 5:12

Once i get like that old man I am going straight to Dignitas

fml_fyl_ydi_1342 8

Sunday 1 June 2014 5:25

At least he warned you!

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The Top

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 645

You deserved it 3 615

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

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You deserved it 2 751

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 37 826

You deserved it 5 242

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I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 6 286

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I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 102

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I agree, your life sucks 4 189

You deserved it 991

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 790

You deserved it 54 504

Today, it was my big sister's birthday, and I was told the iPod I ordered her online was not coming due to a mix up. I drove to three different electronic stores before I found the one she wanted. After spending forever in traffic, I came home to find a package on my doorstep. It was her iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 339

You deserved it 4 032