Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her it meant that they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She's 16. FML
Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML
Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
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Top comments
slooby_fml 25
She's pretty clever to not fall for your shenanigans
ryanthecheeseguy 18
This girl is going places. Not college, but places.
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Comments (123)
tehdarkness 21
Google it and show her
mete_orito 34
Swallow an apple seed in front of her. Or maybe a watermelon seed. :-P
blvcklvnd69 14
did she have a feeling in her stomach :o
_Neshaa 5
First he convinced her she's a ghost and now an apple tree will grow in her? He's a clever little shit (:
Enslaved 38
"Eating seeds as a pastime activity The toxicity of our city, our city"
2035 9
You're gonna have a tree for a daughter soon OP
katejones 8
Tell her the acid in her stomach will destroy the seeds ability to germinate. And don't let her google growing seeds in people because I'm pretty sure someone once grew something in a lung after inhaling it - unless that's a hoax.
katejones 8
Googled it. Not a hoax. Pea and fir tree in a lung complete with X-rays.
rememberkids 14
its what we big brothers do ;)
Bloink 25
Haha, I thought the same thing about watermelon seeds when I was a kid
utlanning 9
Just tell her the cyanide in the seeds will kill her before the tree grows large enough to burst out.