Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML
Today, I was haunted by the knowledge that my father watched me slit my wrists without doing a damn thing or batting an eyelid, but when I took the steak knife to the breadboard to release my tension, he was so upset, he took the dog, drove to the east coast, and spent the night in the car. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cutycat136 28
I couldn't even finish reading about this without gagging so I'm really sorry to OP for having to witness it.
Flaming_Pandas 15
I hear that pouring bleach in your eyes can help to unsee things such as this. Best of luck.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
Ihavenoidea9644 6
Don't you just love how snowflakes melt in your mouth?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I'm getting brain bleach for you and me, so I can forget what I just read.
psychiccloud 7
Poor you
wtfLoki 24
Now to find out which cage
SPFINATOR1993 10
Did he share? If not. Thats just rude.
wallmaria 15
WHAT gross
smokahontaso 8
That's ******* disgusting! ?