Today, I overheard my mother saying that if murder were legal, there would be absolutely no chance that I wouldn’t have been killed as a baby. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML
Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML
Today, I overheard my mother saying that it is “physically painful” for her not to be mean to me. FML
Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML
Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML
Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Yes, murder is illegal, but if your mother meets her early demise in what appears to be an unfortunate accident...I'm jus' sayin' It's only murder if the state can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.
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Comments (1)
RichardPencil 32
Yes, murder is illegal, but if your mother meets her early demise in what appears to be an unfortunate accident...I'm jus' sayin' It's only murder if the state can prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.