Wanker and Intimacy: Morning motivation - FML

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 182

You deserved it 53 395

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Same thing different taste

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 358

You deserved it 47 179

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 174

You deserved it 6 713

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Spicy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 696

You deserved it 3 985

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 503

You deserved it 3 882

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 227

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 16 587

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 030

You deserved it 9 025

Stop, please stop

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Spicy

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 424

You deserved it 4 198

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 009

You deserved it 1 074

Next

Top comments

alpuppy 0

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:41

I'm wondering...is it only weird because his girlfriend was there?

kellster 2

Monday 16 March 2009 1:32

Why the hell would you jerk off knowing your brother was in the room?? Much less, why so vigorously! Go take a shower or something jeez!

Comments

metallicalizer 0

Sunday 4 July 2010 16:44

mmmmmmmmkkkkkkkkk;)

owneditup 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 10:22

rape isnt rape... if you yell SURPRISE first

EmoOrange 0

Monday 6 December 2010 17:54

He was already naked.

death779 4

Friday 7 January 2011 14:17

why were you naked and in the same bunk bed as you bro. Kinda weird right there

dylanrrulez 0

Saturday 5 March 2011 4:56

its jacking off

ColorfulDonut 7

Wednesday 23 March 2011 13:22

it's both

ChelsBearr 0

Saturday 2 April 2011 4:49

lmfao, #36! :D FYL dude. Haha.

cenais1 0

Friday 29 April 2011 5:47

u could have jumped down and said "winning!" lol

MegamiKaosu 28

Sunday 22 May 2011 12:27

were you Jambi?

TJ10 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 18:24

lmfao

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The Top

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 380

You deserved it 5 159

Today, I came home for lunch. I saw a sandwich on the table with a note saying, "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I saw another note from my girlfriend next to it saying, "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step-mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 161

You deserved it 2 775

The Top

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 845

You deserved it 50 584

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 967

You deserved it 1 778

Today, I was running around the track at school PE with a lot of other students. I noticed a guy who smelled really bad and I thought to myself how disgusting that was and I felt bad for him. Later, I was changing and caught a whiff of my shirt. It wasn't him who was smelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 2 035

Today, after months of convincing from my friends, I finally bought a car they claimed would be a chick magnet. Wrong kind of "chick," mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 51

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 871

You deserved it 12 056

Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 11 002