Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I'd finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looked at me and asked, "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML
Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML
Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML
Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML
Today, after pouring my heart out to my girlfriend of four years through a speech that took me three weeks to write, and then proposing, she responded, "Eh, why not." FML
Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML
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Top comments
Jessaly_fml 0
... why do you love him, again?
jm88 0
Yeah #8! Tell her how much you'd care for her more and she'd drop all her potentials for an FML stranger!
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Comments (62)
ODEEZY 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA He said he'd gently massage her feet! Hopefully he meant after they did it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! XD P.s. I'm with #1 also
Seegtease 0
Hey, he had to see how much you *really* wanted him!
grooverahul 0
hahahahahaahha gently massage your feet?! Tool! The guy's an ass but hell that was hilarious! Maybe you really shouldn't have poured your heart out but probably poured some hot tea on him and let him ask that question again!
AlleySinkWink 0
dammmn what a DICKKKK.
ifyouonlyknew77 0
I have a very similar story. Except instead of asking me to do it after I poured my heart out, my ex told me he was gay.
Levitas 0
Every comment after #1 has been unnecessary.
trollskitroll 0
agreed
Arica 0
is your ex boyfriend's name Matthew Chulka by chance?
alwaysalady 0
You should have done serious damage to him. make a necklace of his family jewels.
yousuck_fml 0
i say he's a dick and was using you and obviously not worth your time and should never consume any of your time again
melange_fml 0
Shouldn't have invited him over in the first place. Sorry, no sympathy.