Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML
Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
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Top comments
thefallenqueen 5
parents these days..
1337Anonymous911 3
So you just let the drug abuse continue?
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Comments (303)
MrTittySprinkles 7
66 I don't know why I hate you but I do I'm almost willing to fly to Dallas find you and beat your tiny head in but I won't so the first person to do this and send me some kind of proof pic bloody hair clump ex gets a cupcake.
ydi_4_suking 20
Actually 66 it is my face. My brother sent it to me and I thought it was pretty funny
TarieBoo 2
63- an ass beating will only make children now have resintment.. in our grandparents years it wasnt to uncommon for some sense to be beaten into a child..
Hockeyboy4280 18
Sorry 71, may have come off a bit rude there. I apologize for that sir. Not usually that guy... Anyways, I see your point, I just don't think violence is really the answer for parenting problems. and 70, A bloody hair clump eh? What kind of a fight was this?
Hockeyboy4280 18
70 oh yeah, almost forgot. Would a little bit of punctuation kill ya? I mean, I had to read your comment a good 4 times before I could decipher what you were writing.
Albarufus 13
Time for round 2 and please, win this one!
Javee 17
Haha :P
SPIR4L 0
Learn to spell your username before lecturing your daughter.
OoLogicalOo 4
The misspelled name is an obvious joke. She is Apparently stupid because she cannot spell.
selfimage 0
What a *****
fordman22 0
The daughter or the poster or both? ;)
LMFrooN 4
Your daughter is the best allele gief her maney to buy moar :')
fordman22 0
Speak english! Geez looks like you are on the crack pipe!
stej1985 3
a wise man once said to me "spare the pot ruin the child".. well not quite but, I do think you should buy a few bags and make her some heavy duty joints..... .....then make her smoke it at once. when she whiteys, ask her if its worth it. dad did that when he caught me smoking... granted I still smoke but it took a couple of years before I touched another.