By Todd - 18/9/2020 17:00

Masterchef

Today, I bought tomato sauce and tomato paste to make rigatoni. Forgot to buy the meat and the pasta. FML

I agree, your life sucks

448

You deserved it

849

Favorite

Sorry…

Vulture

Vibe check

By Oreo

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14512

You deserved it

1925

Favorite

By xharuki - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32584

You deserved it

3505

Favorite

By deewe - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27234

You deserved it

4324

Favorite

By anne - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33354

You deserved it

4105

Favorite

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45228

You deserved it

3645

Favorite

By is cum a fruit or a vegetable? - United States - Germantown

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25708

You deserved it

2606

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18145

You deserved it

40766

Favorite

By HatedbyBras - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50237

You deserved it

25152

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19676

You deserved it

5772

Favorite

By Anonymous

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1448

You deserved it

151

Favorite

By "1DisGR8" - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3422

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Anonymous

No one likes a smart-ass

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2145

You deserved it

846

Favorite

By somethingblue - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70056

You deserved it

3383

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2190

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By 315 - United States

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7566

You deserved it

45682

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31009

You deserved it

67437

Favorite

By kellb123 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31425

You deserved it

2556

Favorite

By I’m screwed

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1744

You deserved it

2669

Favorite

By embarrassment - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53233

You deserved it

8329

Favorite

By thesockmancometh - United States

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52996

You deserved it

4631

Favorite

By Talvesh - United States

Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29932

You deserved it

2139

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Bugging out

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1341

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By distracted - Australia - Pymble

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25369

You deserved it

4052

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6415

You deserved it

61347

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Boya

Turn of phrase

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30862

You deserved it

3285

Favorite

By Laloose - France

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13962

You deserved it

28111

Favorite

By thewordsicantsay - Canada

Today, while waiting to do a presentation in class I felt someone flick my back, but when I turned around no one was there. It wasn't until I got up in front of the whole class that I felt my bra slowly sliding down my body. Turns out that the "flick" I felt was actually my bra clasp busting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30467

You deserved it

3367

Favorite

By Suckered - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25617

You deserved it

4679

Favorite

By - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my Mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1276

You deserved it

2090

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was at an outdoor market with my family. We'd had dinner and were about to leave when 2 women stood next to our table, smoking. We called out to let them know they could have it, as we were leaving. They thought we were complaining about the smoke. They yelled at us and stormed off, while the other tables stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1358

You deserved it

158

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45782

You deserved it

8855

Favorite

By TRalalla - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31946

You deserved it

5686

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32541

You deserved it

3244

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13541

You deserved it

27272

Favorite

By Pika

Today, in the midst of an interview, I was asked what my best qualities are. I panicked and quickly responded that I can make a great Pikachu impression. They wanted to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2027

You deserved it

2890

Favorite

By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27051

You deserved it

3876

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland

You're back!

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the "dead" man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13158

You deserved it

42094

Favorite

By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26666

You deserved it

3410

Favorite

By notmansbestfriend - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47156

You deserved it

7782

Favorite

By no one

Crucial information

Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

110

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7939154 - Friday 18 September 2020 17:05

You could make vegan, gluten-free rigatoni.

Also, avoid shopping when you're high.

By BurnInDemonFire | 32

#7939235 - Saturday 19 September 2020 1:25

Gordon Ramsay called; he says you're an idiot sandwich.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7939154 - Friday 18 September 2020 17:05

You could make vegan, gluten-free rigatoni.

Also, avoid shopping when you're high.

By BurnInDemonFire | 32

#7939235 - Saturday 19 September 2020 1:25

Gordon Ramsay called; he says you're an idiot sandwich.

By TheSentinel05 | 8

#7939430 - Saturday 19 September 2020 21:13

For personal reasons, I will never hit YDI if the fml includes the word ‘forgot’

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7939456 - Saturday 19 September 2020 23:55

I know this is probably a crazy idea but maybe you could go back to the store and get what you need. ydi