Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
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Top comments
barroomhero 0
It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.
Fml37 0
You don't sparkle, you flame :p
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Comments (599)
kyasariin 0
So you can now say that you're a gay vampire!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS EDWARD WANNABEEE!!!! Maybe now, you can come out of the closet so Robert wtfhislastnameis doesn't have to. Maybe he'll thank you. (:
gonzi_fml 0
dude I read this FML and immediately thought of Edward Cullen XDDDD
moony_fml 0
"how to become a sparkly fake vampire for dummies"
breatheinandout 0
OP: LOL um, at least you stand out in the crowd. :) and i don't think it's just fangirls who'll turn their head to look at you, but everyone else who just happens to see you SPARKLE.
summersong89 0
i like the Twilight books but in my opinion, vampire men should NOT sparkle/shimmer! it's not sexy, or manly. hahah #107 that sucks for you OP.
AnaMaree 0
That's good. Now you can attract Twilight fans.
sarah2144 14
Oh dear. Unfortunately, having Twihards following you around is not a good thing. They are generally all insane if they'll follow someone who sparkles. Good luck. Be sure to kick them if they do.
mikew85 0
that sucks. I wouldve assumed it just meant it moisturized or something.
pet_virus 0
My mate did this but with sun cream, he had to come in for an exam. It was funny
Pamina128 0
What's with bashing twilight fans? I like Twilight, but I'm not completely obsessed with it and I'm certainly not stupid as some people have said. Sure, some fans are completely way over the top about it, but keep in mind not all of them are.
ohhdamn 0
me too, edward/ bella are a lil' obsessed with each other but, it's a cool series. i do with the obsessors would shut the **** up and quit making me loook bad though D=
americayay 0
Lol. Gotta agree. I like the books and am looking forward to the next movie, but the creepily obsessed people do make the normally interested people look very bad.