Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML
Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
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Top comments
barroomhero 0
It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.
Fml37 0
You don't sparkle, you flame :p
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Comments (599)
harveywallbanger 0
Reading these comments, I am glad that I have no idea what you people are talking about. I realize you are referencing Twilight, but having never seen the movie nor read the book I had no idea he was sparkly. And I am a better person for it. You all fail at life.
midwestjerk 0
Rifftrax. Best thing to happen to movies since sound.
Luna2494 0
Stay away from people. Those Twilight fangirls are mean.
lilsurfergrlsp 3
i totally agree with #92. and i think i use that body wash too! but then again, i am a 20 year old woman.
harveywallbanger 0
Amen, sista friend.
irrelevantxx 0
LMFAO!
g33ktr0n 0
LOL you're Edward Cullen! Now every Twilight obsessed girl will think you're a vampire and creepishly obsess over you :p
midwestjerk 0
WORK THIS! Go find some hot, stupid bitch who reads Twilight (keep in mind, "hot" being the operative word here. "stupid bitch" describes all Twilight fans) and convince her ***** ass you're a vampire. You can get laid six times in a day!
americayay 0
You're a dick to generalize people like that.
midwestjerk 0
I'm right though. I haven't encountered one Twilight fan yet who isn't worthless.
CrunkCupcake97 2
trust me, girls like that :)
Sunsh1ne 0
"Today I was taking a shower and used a body wash that makes me sparkle. Now 14yo girls come up to me begging me to bite them. FML."
LizzysOwner 17
Woo! Edward! Lol, maybe I'll get my bf some of that ;)
portablecupid 3
whats wrong with regular soap? also DIAF twilight queens.