Sex, Awkward and Sextoys: It's not what you think! - FML

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up and my date I'd had the best sex ever with last night had found the sex doll I hid in a cupboard. She'd left a note calling me a creep, and to lose her number. It was a prop for my brother's stag do last week, I’ve never had sex with it, I’m just waiting for the recycling bins on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 408

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 529

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 305

We're so sorry, Uncle Albert

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, I'd promised my flatmate I’d sleep somewhere else so he could hook up with his Tinder date. Unfortunately I had a bad day at work and totally forgot so I went home as normal and walked in on him in the front room, balls deep in my aunt, who is “happily married” to my favourite uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 191

By Username - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 998

You deserved it 6 343

By openmouthinsertfoot - 07/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 41 904

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 242

You deserved it 6 977

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 450

You deserved it 42 554

Lonely girl

By MrBougie - 25/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought a 37-pound sex doll on Amazon, just so I could cuddle it and cry myself to sleep, until she decides if she wants a divorce in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 299

Dude…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend that I miss the amazing sex life we used to have, as we haven't had sex in months. She accidentally blurted out, "Well, I've still got one." It seems our neighbour has taken over my role in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 912

Attraction

By Chelsea - 02/04/2012 17:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 932

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 17 October 2022 0:34

Well, now you can start (or continue) having sex with the doll, creep. My money is on continue.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 17 October 2022 0:34

Well, now you can start (or continue) having sex with the doll, creep. My money is on continue.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Haircut Miscellaneous Cute Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Technology Mental health

The Top

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 780

You deserved it 5 987

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 577

You deserved it 5 576

The Top

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 773

You deserved it 6 088

Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 145

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 076

You deserved it 6 952

Today, after I'd left my former job because of burnout for another job, where they'd said handling call time wasn't important, my new employer demands to fill in every day during the week how much time I spent on each task and calls, bathroom or coffee breaks, as "waste-time", and we need to fill in how much time we "wasted" pissing or shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 144

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 417

You deserved it 384

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I'd just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 212

You deserved it 85 950