Hangover Struggles

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

Stress level: 2020

Give me my drugs!

Mystery

By oh for f*cks sake - Czech Republic - Prague

4727

388

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 23:00

Pincushion

560

1867

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

By Jumja - Netherlands

35109

5691

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

50915

10209

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

By FitnessFirst - Canada - Toronto

20057

3254

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

By anonymous - United States

26098

2856

Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML

By Username - United States

39165

3631

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

By Anonymous - Canada - London

48627

6903

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

By Anonymous - United States - Plano

46721

4498

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

By Rainman - United States

46735

14265

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

By Yocherrypicker

13130

5915

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

By Eric

34513

2882

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

By teeth - United States

40322

2817

Today, my best friend and I were supposed to meet up at an outdoor beer garden. We’ve both had a hard time with quarantine, so it was a great escape. Instead, she kept me waiting for nearly two hours before I finally left. Her excuse? Her boyfriend, who she sees every day, really wanted to have sex. FML

By thanks sis - 29/8/2020 10:52 - United States - Hesperia

On a leash

1601

142

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

By stew - United States

48952

3843

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

By Anonymous - Canada

39384

4404

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Richland

25004

2208

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

By wasted time - United States

51002

3154

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

By NO NO NO - Netherlands - Den Haag

56318

5315

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

By phonesmuggler - United States

48776

5787

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

By Help - Australia

30957

2034

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

By Kftc88 - United States - Pomona

43064

2917

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

By sadkid - United States

34781

4371

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

By Anonymous - United States

21113

24467

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 17:11

Fire hazard

877

218

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

By anonymous - United States - Havelock

40444

6392

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

By assdialed. - United States

35460

2555

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

By SquirrellyGirl

1634

103

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

By Taylor Page - United States - Gainesville

33509

2523

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

By 16seconds - United States

7849

33082

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

By trainE - United States

22281

94355

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

By Anonymous

1327

133

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

By nsb124 - United States

31700

2795

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

By Anonymous - United States

16993

91621

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

By Lokimagnus - 25/3/2020 23:05

Rookie mistake

693

2744

Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML

By crazy dog lady - 2/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Furry family

1318

206

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

By dibman - United Kingdom

27627

2942

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

By oh no - Canada - Montreal

34357

3438

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

By why - United States - Tucson

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3298