Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
rocker_chick105 31
Was the cat ok?
SnigglePoop 3
That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
hollyman 0
C-C-C-COMBO!!!!!!
PaulB123 11
Op should always be wearing a helmet.
hateevryone 15
dang, you just need to sit down somewhere.
cass1_l0ve 13
But what if her luck is so bad that while she's sitting down the chair breaks and she falls on a piece of wood from the broken chair resulting in a huge splinter in her butt. so then OP jumps up in down screaming, steps on her cats tail, and when the cat tries to attack her she tries to run away but winds up stepping on her shoelace, tripping, and flying out the window into a thorn bush where a rabid squirrel was asleep. So then she tries to run from the squirrel (who is now Angry and wants to kill her) and the thorn bush cuts up her clothes and while shes running a cop arrests her for public indecency and she goes to jail and gets gay raped...?
cptmorgan6 8
Personal experience?
mintcar 10
35, I lol'd.
graham11 14
If all of that happened to me, I'd get back in bed and hope to wake up more carefully tomorrow.
cass1_l0ve 13
#62 no, not personal experience THANKFULLY!!! Just the good ol imagination :)) (makes a rainbow above head)
bebe088 0
FYL.:/
yumgranolabar 5
Cats plan where to stand, just so that you'll trip on them.
jonriise18 3
How, or why, would you ever possibly be thinking about this series of incidents and the amount of pain they could potentially involve BEFORE any of this happened?
1bluesky1 6
He's psychic.
xNephilim 19
This kind of stuff happens in movies all the time. Or on TV. Maybe that's why.
Brainspoil 2
what op failed to mention is he is court ordered to wear a helmet and rides the short bus. today he chose to disobey that court order and this is what happened.
SecretMe00 5
Nice!!!!! Lol
AndysFancy 6
Clutz
crazychick1269 7
I just had the sudden urge to throw a dictionary at your face
AndysFancy 6
Why, because I used lingo instead of the Yiddish word KLUTZ? **** yourself, simple teenaged crazychick, the one to 69.
yummylicious 5
If that hurt you a lot, imagine how much it hurt the cat!
rubberduckie94 13
Did you forget to take your medication or take too much?
mightymart 5
I love how you talk about people who take this site too seriously, then on your next sentence you "threaten" to Come back at those who troll you... IRONY AT ITS BEST!!
rubberduckie94 13
Did you read the part about me not being offended and just do it because it gets people bent out of shape. No, i guess you did not get that part.
alyspar2 5
Oh my goodness!!!!!!! Is the poor cat okay?:/