Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
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Top comments
rocker_chick105 31
Was the cat ok?
SnigglePoop 3
That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..
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Comments (117)
evebright 5
You spent time pondering this outcome? Last night I was holding my pet duck (ya weird) and I slipped. I managed to twist and land on my shoulder and arm, to save the damn duck from being squashed. He seemed more interested in his water than my bleeding arm. Lol.
rdaily 6
You've cat to be kitten me right meow :)
whitey317 0
Sounds like a final destination style death
SgtS1mar 4
Hmm, looks like the tables have turned.
tc34 1
Deal with it I just smashed my head on the edge of my cars trunk so unless you've got a big cut across your head it couldnt have hurt that bad
funnyman227 0
Talk about bad luck. :(
Haha_no_123 11
The best FMLs are ones that are worded in a way that make it so much more amazing, kinda like your watching it happen in slow motion so you bast in the funniness and the ****** up event in that persons life
EmoPeach 5
Was the doorframe okay?
Jewey_McJewerson 8
Cats are assholes