Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bornaunicorn 12
Moms will always "spare a square".
cmayer 20
Sometimes you get pets before you fall on hard times.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
bocefus 6
Stealing from your mom makes you a scumbag. Try getting a job
paigexox0 37
...you used stuff from your parents house all of your childhood does that make everyone a scumbag?
MsMourningStar 22
Maybe they have a job but are on a really tight budget. It happens, money is scarce.
Ambiguous404 6
What a shity situation you are in!
gurly98 13
No... Just no.
ilovedinosawers 17
We'll let you off easy.. This time.
chris_42 11
Don't be such an ass-wipe to your mother.
CaptMurdock 25
You gotta do what you gotta do. Maybe next time just ask your mom to help you out a bit?
99megster 15
Not sure why you had to smuggle it, couldn't you have just asked? I'm sure she would have understood. Unless, of course, you have parents like the ones we read about on FML.
SirTalkaton 22
I know that feel OP.
lb0812 18
Lol I didn't know this was so bad. I'm a broke college student and I do my grocery shopping in my parent's pantry.
bettyboop428 24
Me too. My grandmother lives with my parents so they have plenty of help, so my little brother and I both shop at our parents house before going to the store. It's great because even though we can mostly afford to shop for ourselves, it's nice to know we have that little bit extra for our family.
TheWorldGreatest 8
Get a job and stop using people for your needs !
squideth 18
Yeah cuz no one is EVER broke if they have a job, right?
perdix 29
Who is stupid enough to accept toilet paper as currency? Cottonelle kinda has the texture of money, but it's too wide to confused with a bill.
perdix 29
I'm guessing that your savings have been . . . *lowers sunglasses* wiped out.