Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paperclip. FML
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML
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Top comments
bornaunicorn 12
Moms will always "spare a square".
cmayer 20
Sometimes you get pets before you fall on hard times.
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Comments (83)
gamegeek42 6
Even if I wasn't strapped for cash I would still be taking it
showgirl10 3
Looks like we got a badass over here!
madamspammalot 15
When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
chrissy2 28
I do that too! Hug me brotha!!
iKojack 9
Next it will be food I bet you!!
Kyle_Kawi27 7
Shit gets expensive
reflexion213 11
Been there.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
What kind of relationship do you have?
cmac86 24
couldn't you just ask for some from her rather than stealing?
allisadawn91 8
Stealing is less humiliating, and it's not really stealing if you know that the person would say yes if you asked...it's more like you're just skipping a step
Zebediabolical 45
Is there some issue between you and your mom in which she would refuse to help you out with a roll of TP?
jackaced 7
Mom will always give you the choice...duct tape or plastic wrap