Today, my boyfriend and I were finishing in the bedroom; he pulled out and finished on my stomach. Then he figured that was the time to quote Shrek, saying, "Better out than in I always say." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML
Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
Well, he’s right. Otherwise it’s coming out 9 months later.
RichardPencil 32
What made him think of Shrek at that moment? Were you doing it Donkey-style?
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Comments (5)
Marcella1016 32
Well, he’s right. Otherwise it’s coming out 9 months later.
RichardPencil 32
What made him think of Shrek at that moment? Were you doing it Donkey-style?
Marcella1016 32
Careful. ...I hear coming from behind can get you kicked.
mattiagardin 15
Incredible dude, really funny
Wadlaen 24
He's a keeper!😅