Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML
Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML
Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing, and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML
Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML
Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML
Today, I brought my daughter to work with me. When we walked in, a client was blowing up at my boss, all because as my boss was walking past his storage unit, he glanced in and was about to compliment how neat it was. After my boss left, I had to deal with the aftermath, which left my daughter terrified of this man. FML
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Top comments
maharb01 17
sometimes customers require hands on attention instead of just paying them lip service
Dave_Davington 35
I'll bet you're an expert at beating them into submission. You have them submit all over your face like an absolute champ.
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Comments (24)
Shay_Shay97 23
Cum on guys, enough with the puns
Dodge4x4Ram 46
promotion right around the corner.
RichardPencil 32
If he's a big enough dick, maybe your boss can give you a hand with the job.
cumminsncope 4
Someone's hinting at the fact that they'll do anything for a promotion
JigglesGirl 19
My old boss would've loved to hear me say that. :p
yerawizardlizzy 27
Same haha.
afallingstar 22
Are you? Could cum in hand in the future.
Jayroc 18
That client sounds like a handful!!
pjsr 33
Isn't every guy an expert at handling dicks - well, at least one anyway?
Kira1965 23
Best. Response. Ever.
kaitieloo 22
I'm with you OP. Once, when I was meeting an ex's parents, we were talking about cars. Someone made a comment of a manual transmission, and I said "well, I can't drive a stick, but I sure can ride one!" Trying to indicate that I ride a motorcycle. Luckily they were so Christian and straight laced they didn't realize. I think.
pjsr 33
I'm pretty sure they knew exactly what you meant. Besides, those kind are always the type that do the freaky stuff in bed.