Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
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Top comments
\ 28
Trailer life, I suppose.
mangoboy1 19
I also start crying and smoking cigarettes when I run out of TP.
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Comments (65)
Javier6597 19
Speaking of which, turns out im out of shit wipes as well :/
kdm_km1 19
somebody is gunna need some shower time
Bluekaren16 19
You should get your mom a bidet! Then she won't run out.
dramaelf 37
What, is she too good to use paper towels?
Michael_92 20
If they don't have toilet paper I highly doubt they have paper towel.
piedpiper303 29
But they just aren't the sameeee! They need more shit wipes, not just paper towels. You obviously just don't get the importance of having shit wipes. Gosh, people these days.
graceinsheepwear 33
18, I get your reference to the previous fml about using paper towels for toilet paper, even if no one else did.
khodginssxo 14
is your mother an alcoholic?
michelleJ11 25
Wonder what her acceptance speech would be like ...
MisterEx 28
Poor woman. She probably too stressed about other important thing going on in life and running out of shit wipes was silly, but probably the last straw :/
Thatguy334 7
I suspect she was just a drunk idiot, not that her life was in shambles
quontag 15
You are not you when you are hungry. Here, have a Snickers.
\ 28
"I done raised mah boy good"
emilie_gambii 9
Well I hope the trophy comes with some new shit-wipes!