Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML
Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML
Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML
Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML
Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
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Top comments
breadfruit 0
You should count yourself incredibly lucky that not only are you apparently passive and safe when drunk, you're also productive!
evaki1 12
If you have boring thoughts it's not.
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Comments (140)
MDTeddy 13
Being drunk is not fun. I don't drink and people are stupid. **** everyone who doesn't drink because it tastes good. It tastes bad to me so deal with it.
dadof2 4
huh????
brianjman14 23
"I don't drink and people are stupid. **** everyone who doesn't drink because it tastes good." Agreed... Huh????
Quasar55_fml 18
You must have been drunk when you posted this
drawmesunshine 17
Hey! 99 just became bipolar!
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
Don't drink poison, give ol' maryjane a puff ;]
j_cat187 20
Maryjane is so kind to me :)
KriiFahMoro 9
Lol, typical potfag.
j_cat187 20
I wonder what happens when you get high. Do you become like a master chief?
saidawhiting 14
Do people know what the "D" in OCD stands for? You can't *be* OCD. You *have* OCD.
mrmerino 0
You don't become OCD, you have OCD.
ItsYourMamaDoe 0
63, if you got thumbed up would still have been your younger sister who posted ?
JinxosGirl87 0
I would much rather straighten a bookshelf than become a horny chatterbox who never shuts up while clawing at the BF's pants.
Rasetsu 10
I have been drunk 10 times or so and each time was boooooring. No more getting drunk - I just don't see the point. Even at parties it sucked.
Ressamies 6
-25 could you already stop that endless stream of crappy jokes?
ilovebigtimerush 0
107- I bet your right. If it would have Bren thumbed up, she wouldn't have said her sister did it.