Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her, so I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
saksxalmo 20
Aw, I'm so sorry OP. :( Maybe you should ask him about it? You never know.
ColorfulSmiles 7
I'm sorry :/ feel better though & have a safe pregnancy ! Take care of the baby :)
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Comments (116)
TheDrifter 24
I'm getting the feeling a lot of people are unfamiliar with the contents of their underwear drawer. FHL, he's gonna suffer for this lapse of judgement either way.
hilary56 0
MAYBE they're new and he just bought them for you ;)
Blooblibloo 4
I am so sorry :/ I really hope that there is an other explanation for that.
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're pregnant. Maybe your hormones are causing you to be a little forgetful. I'm sure your husband is delighted to be faithful to a nagging fat lady who ***** herself.
fgsuperman 20
Well, isn't that a rosy outlook on the process leading up to the miracle of birth. Are you trying to shame her for being pregnant, or what?
amandajlucas2015 2
And I'm sure ur single
fgsuperman 20
I certainly hope so. Also, #39, you do realise that the, as you put it, 'nagging fat lady who ***** herself' phase will eventually give way to the 'OMG I HAVE A CHILD AWESOME' phase, right?
Colonel_Lexi 18
Perdix, that was pretty harsh.
soldiat_fml 17
Perdix, you're an idiot.
perdix 31
Oh, c'mon, people! I was just kidding. If you take me seriously, you've got problems. Superman, that's no way to try to get laid, stabbin' a bro in the back.
DespairFaction 11
I don't know how you could have taken that comment seriously.
fgsuperman 20
I took it seriously because there was no indication it was a joke - it just seemed mean-spirited. I did think, "Isn't this Perdix quite a popular character around here? Would he really say that and mean it?" and I guess the answer is no...but it's stil a horribly failed joke.
mandacakes12 2
Time to go on Maury..
The_Hitdude 12
A pregnant woman choking her husband with the mistress' lingere? I'll watch it.
mandacakes12 2
I was thinking of saying that, but this way she can get a lie detector test. (:
Marteeny23 19
Nah definitely the Steve Wilcos Show.
Llamacod 11
Not really #20, unless granny had a hysterectomy its possible for granny to be pregnant depending, of course, on the age
wannabeafreebee 3
Dang.... Are you leaving him?? And he got you pregnant...what a ass..
Dnigz13 4
Are you sure they're not a pair thy you just forgot about? My ex gf had a pair at the bottom of here drawer she forgot about and thought they were some1 else's until she remembered they were hers about 4daya later
Briiyahh 7
Dump him like NOW
clairec_fml 0
Aww im sorry just ask him about it